Dan opens today’s episode with this principle:  “All harm came in relationship; all healing equally requires a relationship.” If you’ve been with us for a while, you’ll understand that healing from abuse is not something we do alone. We need the presence and kindness of others to truly heal and flourish. Yet, when we’ve been abused, it can feel so challenging to trust again, especially when trauma leaves us feeling isolated and hypervigilant. In this episode, Dan and Rachael explore how finding supportive friends, reconnecting with family (if you are able to), and engaging in therapy can play an essential role as you move towards healing. More importantly, they talk about how to discern who is truly safe, trustworthy, and supportive. They offer practical advice on what to look for in those who walk alongside you and how to know if they’re ready to support you. We hope today’s conversation reveals the possibilities ahead and helps you take those first steps toward building meaningful relationships, inviting others into your healing journey.  

This week, we’re sifting through some of the "debris" that can hinder people from moving into the healing process in the wake of sexual abuse.  Dan and Rachael talk about some of the questions that can keep people feeling stuck and silent: What if I don’t remember everything? What if my healing journey affects my loved ones? Shouldn’t I just forgive and move on? Can I wait until life isn’t so busy? What if facing this feels overwhelming? By acknowledging these barriers, you can start to see a way through. Next week, we’ll discuss what’s needed to begin the healing journey from past abuse. Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and childhood sexual abuse, and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised. Listener Resources: Explore more podcast episodes including: "The Cost of Engaging Stories of Sexual Abuse," "Connections Between Spiritual and Sexual Abuse," and "Bearing Witness to Stories of Sexual Abuse and Racial Trauma." Read: Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender Sign up for the Healing the Wounded Heart Online Course from the Allender Center  

In this episode, Rachael Clinton Chen is joined by Vanessa Sadler, a trauma-informed spiritual director and contemplative creative, who brings heartfelt wisdom to the conversation about healing from personal and collective trauma and abuse. Vanessa draws on her unique training in the Enneagram, spiritual direction, and Narrative Focused Trauma Care to explore what spiritual direction truly is (and what it is not).  Vanessa highlights the transformative power of spiritual direction as a vital part of the healing journey, helping to renew our spiritual imagination and attachment to God, ourselves, and others. She also shares some contemplative practices and resources that can support this process, which are linked in the show notes below. Listener Resources: Subscribe to NOURISH Daily, a guided journey delivered to your inbox for 30 days, at https://centerfjp.org/nourish/ . Vanessa’s recommended reading list includes: Starting Spiritual Direction by John Mabry, Meditations of the Heart by Howard Thurman, and The Gift of Being Yourself by David Benner. She also references authors Margaret Gunther and Kaitlin Curtice and therapist Melody Li. Read more about the Lectio Divina, Visio Divina, and the practices of kataphatic and apophatic prayer. Listen to Peace Talks, a podcast hosted by Vanessa Sadler from the Center for Formation, Justice, and Peace. In particular, Vanessa references this episode with Linda Royster and Dan Allender.

Spiritual director and story coach, TJ Poon, sits down with Rachael Clinton Chen to explore the intersection of spiritual formation and White racial identity development.  We’ll begin by saying that we are approaching this conversation with a deep sense of responsibility and humility, honoring the voices of people of color who have led the way and are aware that two White people are not experts on racism. This is a complex topic and there will be missteps. Even when the conversations are difficult, we at the Allender Center know that the realities of racism and White supremacy cannot be ignored, and we are committed to holding a space to engage them. In today’s episode, TJ and Rachael consider how White-bodied people understand their stories, how their stories and spiritual formation have been influenced by systems of Whiteness, and the challenge of feeling anchored and connected to family histories. They also acknowledge that on this journey of personal and collective healing, White people will inevitably need to confront anxiety, shame, and humiliation in their pursuit of restoration, with a commitment to what TJ calls “joyful anti-racist action.” We hope you’ll join us in this conversation with curiosity, compassion, and courage, understanding that ongoing dialogue, learning, and formation are vital to our work with trauma on behalf of the kingdom of God. We invite you to also listen to: Racial Trauma and White Supremacy Becoming an Anti-Racist, Part One Becoming an Anti-Racist, Part Two The Violence of Marginalization  

Parents, this episode is for you! Join Rachael Clinton Chen as she sits down with Jay and Heather Stringer to explore how to talk to your kids about sensitive topics like the body, desire, sex, puberty, and even pornography in ways that are kind and attuned to their needs.  Jay and Heather share the importance of parents first exploring their own stories around sexuality, as unresolved issues or patterns in our own upbringing can impact how we approach these conversations with our children.  In this episode, you’ll find thoughtful discussions on attachment, body image, puberty, sex, and how to navigate challenging subjects like porn and sexting. Instead of having one big, awkward conversation, Jay and Heather suggest having ongoing, age-appropriate chats that feel natural and comfortable. The aim is to empower your kids to feel confident and informed as they learn about their bodies and desires, all within the safety of a loving and supportive environment. If you’re looking to change the narrative for your kids around sex and want to create intentional, meaningful conversations, this episode is a great place to start. Please note that this episode contains discussions of sex and sexual development and may not be suitable for all audiences. Listener discretion is advised.  

We’re back to engage more questions from you, our listeners, about healing from spiritual abuse. In this episode, Rachael Clinton Chen, alongside Allender Center Product Manager Melissa Dowell, addresses heartfelt and challenging questions from our community.  These questions explore the complexities of bringing spiritual abuse to light, navigating healing as survivors, especially those who have faced backlash for speaking out, and managing the unique struggles of working in a church while dealing with past or present spiritual harm. Thank you to all who submitted questions. This is part of an ongoing conversation, and we are deeply grateful for your willingness to ask questions, listen to this episode, and engage with these issues with us. More resources on spiritual abuse: Listen to this Spotify playlist: Over 20 Podcasts on Spiritual Abuse & Healing from the Allender Center Check out this set of recorded webinars with Rachael Clinton Chen: Confronting Spiritual Abuse and Healing from Spiritual Abuse (with Matthias Roberts) Join the waitlist for the Story Workshop for Spiritual Abuse & Healing, happening May 16-18, 2025.

Join Rachael Clinton Chen for the conclusion of her three-part series, where she offers a candid and heartfelt look at her journey of holistic healing from complex PTSD and anxiety. In this final episode, Rachael explores the surprising aspects of trauma recovery, including how trauma manifests in the body and the often unpredictable nature of the healing process. Building on her previous discussions about the mental and spiritual impacts of trauma, Rachael now turns her focus to the physical aspects of healing. She shares insights from her own experiences with various healing modalities, highlighting what has been effective for her. While this episode is not intended as medical advice, we hope the central message is clear: healing is a continuous journey, full of both challenges and progress, and sometimes requiring revisiting old wounds. We hope this series of heart-to-heart conversations has brought you hope, made you laugh, made you think, and most of all made you feel like you’re not alone. Thank you for taking this journey with us. We’d love to hear your thoughts on this series—please email us at [email protected] with your feedback!

This month, we're bringing back three of our most popular conversations from last year, featuring some incredible guests. Whether you've heard them before or not, we invite you to listen, reflect, and perhaps share them with a friend. The third and final episode in our summer replay series features Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender, and Dr. Steve Call and Lisa Call. This was our most-downloaded episode about marriage last year, and there’s definitely some wisdom in this conversation. You’ll hear how our attachment styles show up within the context of marriage, how to identify and name those attachments, and how to heal in our most intimate relationships. We’ll be back next week with an all-new episode! Listener Resources: To learn more about how our stories unfold in our marriages, check out the Marriage Online Course. Listen to more episodes on the topic of marriage and relationships on this curated Spotify playlist: Podcasts on Marriage & Relationships.  

This month, we're bringing back three of our most popular conversations from last year, featuring some incredible guests. Whether you've heard them before or not, we invite you to listen, reflect, and perhaps share them with a friend. This episode in our summer replay series is a conversation with the amazing Marcie Alvis Walker. You may know Marcie’s work from her popular Instagram feed, Black Coffee with White Friends, or her Black-Eyed Stories on Substack. Co-hosted by Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster, this conversation focuses on Marcie’s memoir, “Everybody Come Alive,” where she reflects on the imprint of God, race, and gender growing up in the 70s and 80s. Listener Resources: Pick up your copy of Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays by Marcie Alvis Walker here. Listen to more episodes on the topic of spiritual abuse and healing on this curated Spotify playlist: Podcasts on Racial Trauma & Healing. Read the full transcript of this episode as it originally aired in July 2023.  

This month, we're bringing back three of our most popular conversations from last year, featuring some incredible guests. Whether you've heard them before or not, we invite you to listen, reflect, and perhaps share them with a friend. This first episode in our summer replay series is a conversation with a dear friend, author, and alumnus of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, Matthias Roberts.  Last fall, Matthias joined Dan and Rachael to discuss his latest book, "Holy Runaways." (If you haven’t read it yet, we recommend that you add it to your summer reading list!) Dan and Rachael chatted with Matthias about religious trauma and the hope of moving forward with a commitment to truth, deep listening, and compassion. Listener Resources: Pick up your copy of Holy Runaways by Matthias Roberts here. Listen to more episodes on the topic of spiritual abuse and healing on this curated Spotify playlist: Podcasts on Spiritual Abuse & Healing

We’re back with part two of our three-part series with Rachael Clinton Chen, where she candidly shares personal insights from her own journey of holistically healing from complex PTSD and anxiety, and the things she didn’t expect when healing from trauma. In this episode, Rachael explores how trauma disrupts not only our mental and physical well-being but also our spiritual formation and imagination. Rachael reflects on her own healing journey, navigating the ways in which early spiritual experiences compounded her trauma by framing symptoms as moral failings. From the heart-wrenching lows to the moments so absurd they bring laughter, and every breakthrough in between, we hope this series of heart-to-heart conversations will bring you hope, make you laugh, make you think, and most of all make you feel like you're not alone. Stay tuned for Part 3, which will be released on August 2.  

Charlie Peacock and Andi Ashworth, prolific artists, writers, and co-founders of Art House America, join Dan in this podcast episode to discuss their life, work, and recent book, "Why Everything That Doesn't Matter, Matters So Much." In their latest book, Charlie and Andi have written a collection of letters to Christians and spiritual seekers who think deeply and care acutely about the state of the world and their personal spheres of influence. Each of these letters is a gentle nudge in the direction of God's powerfully ordinary purpose for each of us, no matter what the future holds, to participate fully in the beautiful, redemptive work of Christ. Our conversation touches on the importance of hospitality, the need to recapture the imagination, and the shared journey of navigating a chronic illness. In the midst of facing significant challenges and the ebb and flow of busy times and moments of slowing down, this discussion highlights a steadfast commitment to living a life filled with beauty, creativity, and faith. Be sure to check out “Why Everything That Doesn't Matter, Matters So Much: The Way of Love in a World of Hurt” by Charlie Peacock and Andi Ashworth, now available anywhere books are sold.

On this first day of summer, we’re reflecting on the complexities and emotional challenges of scheduling and managing time. Why does managing our schedules often feel so stressful, chaotic, and even triggering? The episode begins with Rachael admitting: “I'm laughing at how we on the Allender Center Podcast could take a topic like scheduling and dive into the deep recesses of the complexity of it.” The truth is that scheduling is not just about logistics and managing time, but also about dealing with deeper issues like desire, grief, hope, and connection.  The seemingly simple act of arranging our days can bring to the surface feelings of loss, as we confront the limits of what we can realistically accomplish. It can reveal our deepest desires, highlighting what we prioritize and what we long to make time for. Our schedules can also be a source of hope, as we plan for future events and possibilities, and a reflection of our need for connection, as we coordinate our time with others. Join us for what we hope is a relatable conversation on how we navigate this common aspect of life, recognizing the emotional layers beneath the surface of our calendars and to-do lists.  

Please note that this episode contains discussions of sex, and mentions sensitive topics like sexual assault, rape, and misogyny. Listener discretion is advised. Do you remember “the talk?” Maybe you never had one… or wish yours had gone differently. This week, we’re pleased to talk to friend, therapist, writer, and NFTC alumni Sam Jolman, MA, LPC, about his new book, “The Sex Talk You Never Got,” which was just released this week. In our sex-saturated world, it might seem surprising that men need more talk about sex. But the reality is that sexuality is one of the most neglected aspects of men's lives. From the woefully inadequate sex talks many young men receive from parents (little more than an anatomy lesson or a purity lecture, if anything at all) to cultural messages that unhelpfully weave both shame and permissiveness into men's understanding of their own sexuality and masculinity, too many boys and men experience sexual desire as an area of struggle, confusion, and brokenness. In this new book, Sam helps men reconnect their God-given sexuality with innocence, awe, and joy, and shows readers how to celebrate--instead of struggle against--the gift of sexual desire. “The Sex Talk You Never Got” by Sam Jolman was just released on June 11, and is available wherever books are sold.

We’re pleased to bring you a new, three-part series this summer from Rachael Clinton Chen, where she candidly shares personal insights from her own journey of holistically healing from complex PTSD and anxiety, and the things she didn’t expect when healing from trauma. In the first episode of this series, Rachael shares some of her earliest memories of contending with anxiety as a child, how she managed it, and what eventually drove her to begin to seek help.  From the heart-wrenching lows to the moments so absurd they bring laughter, and every breakthrough in between, we hope this series of heart-to-heart conversations will bring you hope, make you laugh, make you think, and most of all make you feel like you're not alone. Stay tuned for Part 2, which will be released on July 5.  

Story is how we make meaning as humans. Stories help us shape our identity and influence our perception of God. Our stories also are revelatory; they reveal something of the nature of God in a way that nothing else does.  If you’re curious about why we talk so much about story here at the Allender Center - or if you’ve heard it before and need a gentle reminder - this episode will help you reflect on the role of story and how your story connects with the story of God.  

We believe that we are made for honor. We’re made to be known, to be seen, and to be delighted in. But along the way, the joy of being honored somehow gets distorted. Shame, envy, or exploitation often tarnish our encounters with honor. As a result, many of us either shy away from it or diminish its significance. Alternatively, many of us may find ourselves chasing a counterfeit version of honor, pursuing attention, affirmation, wealth, or status. Why does receiving honor often evoke discomfort within us? Today, Dan and Rachael explore the essence of our relationship with honor — uncovering the underlying reasons behind our unease and highlighting the honor and glory we are all meant for.  

Do you ever feel stuck in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions or negative thoughts? Dr. Alison Cook, therapist and host of "The Best of You" podcast, joins Rachael Clinton Chen to explore the intricacies of navigating emotions. Her latest book, I Shouldn’t Feel This Way, offers practical strategies and a transformative 3-step framework to navigate difficult emotions and find more clarity. Whether you’re grappling with past wounds, conflicting emotions, or seeking more connection with yourself and God, we hope this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement to support you on your journey towards emotional freedom.

In Romans, we’re encouraged to renew our minds, but what does that really mean? Can we just think our way to healing? Today, Dan and Rachael dive into the fascinating world of mind-body renewal.  They discuss how relying solely on our thoughts for healing has its limitations and propose a more holistic approach that considers the polyvagal system—a fascinating network that regulates our nervous system. Referencing Romans 12:2, they stress the importance of going beyond just thinking differently, recognizing the deep connection between our bodies, minds, and spirits. Dan explains the three stress states of the polyvagal system—ventral vagal, sympathetic activation, and dorsal vagal shutdown—and how disruptions can skew our perception of reality and impact our relationships. You’ll also discover some practical techniques to help regulate the polyvagal system and clear your mind. By the end of this episode, we hope you’ll gain a deeper understanding of renewal—one that embraces not only our thoughts but also our physical and spiritual well-being.  

In our fourth and final episode of conversations with Narrative Focused Trauma Care alumni, we have the privilege of speaking with Rev. Mike Boland about the profound influence of his training and work in NFTC on both his personal life and ministry. In the shadow of childhood abuse, Mike found himself trapped in what he describes as a perpetual "Groundhog Day" cycle. While he managed to get by, true healing remained elusive. However, the cycle was disrupted when he became a parent, prompting him to seek help to address his past traumas and strive to become the kind of parent he aspired to be. This pivotal disruption led him to work with a skilled therapist who introduced him to the work of the Allender Center. Though his journey towards healing was tumultuous and marked with anger, Mike pressed on with courage. His desire for growth led him to participate in a Men’s Recovery Week and eventually complete Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level III training, ultimately becoming a Facilitator with the Allender Center. We hope that this four-part series of candid conversations has inspired you and sparked your imagination regarding the possibilities of healing, both for yourself and others. Our aim has been to offer you a glimpse into the profound impact of embracing the life-changing experience of Narrative Focused Trauma Care. Learn more about NFTC training at theallendercenter.org/trainings  Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse, including childhood sexual abuse, and is intended for mature audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.  

Today, Dan and Rachael are chatting with Petra Malekzadeh, who is the Narrative Focused Trauma Care Facilitator Training Coordinator at the Allender Center, as well as an Instructor and Advisor. She also leads a thriving story group ministry at her church. You’ll hear about what drew her to the work of the Allender Center and, in particular, the work that she has done to understand the role of shame and step into a more fullness.  We invite you to chat with Petra at our upcoming NFTC Level I Coffee Hour on May 8. If you have questions about NFTC training, how the program works, and how it can benefit your work, Petra is the perfect person to connect with. Sign up for this free coffee hour at theallendercenter.org/events. This is the third of our 4-part series where we’re inviting you to join us in listening to real stories from those who've gone through Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with the Allender Center. Through candid conversations with these remarkable individuals, our goal is to give you a glimpse into the profound impact of saying yes to this life-changing experience.  Learn more about NFTC training at theallendercenter.org/trainings   

After leading a marriage ministry in a large church and successfully launching their children into the world, Mark and Michelle Hollingsworth found themselves facing the unexpected collapse of their 24-year marriage. In the aftermath, they began a quest to find healing and more understanding. As they searched for support in their church and friend community but still felt very alone. Mark said, “People didn’t know what to do with us.” So as they navigated their own healing process, they also had the courage to imagine how they could support others experiencing similar heartbreak, creating spaces for healing that they themselves had struggled to find. Inspired by Michelle's experience at a Story Workshop, the couple pursued Narrative Focused Trauma Care (NFTC) training together. Both Mark and Michelle completed NFTC Level II training with the Allender Center, and they now offer coaching and story groups for other couples through The Soul Reserve. Michelle says, “We just want people to know that we can be really good people that are really broken - and we can fight for each other's goodness” This is the second of our 4-part series where we’re inviting you to join us in listening to real stories from those who've gone through Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with the Allender Center. Through candid conversations with these remarkable individuals, our goal is to give you a glimpse into the profound impact of saying yes to this life-changing experience.  

We're kicking off a 4-part series where we’re inviting you to join us in listening to real stories from those who've gone through Narrative Focused Trauma Care training with the Allender Center. Through candid conversations with these remarkable individuals, our goal is to give you a glimpse into the profound impact of saying yes to this life-changing experience. First up, we’re chatting with Stasi Eldredge. Stasi is a multifaceted individual - an author, speaker, and integral part of the leadership team at Wild at Heart. She'll take us through the moment she felt compelled to join an NFTC training cohort, driven by a desire for healing and a deeper connection with God. Stasi reflects on how confronting past traumas reshaped her, moving from a sense of being weighed down by old wounds to discovering freedom and compassion  within those painful memories through encounters with Jesus. To learn more about Narrative Focused Trauma Care training, we invite you to visit theallendercenter.org/trainings

We’re pleased to welcome Aundi Kolber back to the podcast to chat with Rachael Clinton Chen about healing from trauma and finding compassion in the journey towards true flourishing.  Aundi, a licensed professional counselor and author, shares her deeply personal journey of creating the "Strong like Water Guided Journey: A Compassionate Path to True Flourishing." This resource, born amidst her own experiences of grief and trauma, offers a warm and compassionate approach to healing. Throughout the discussion, Aundi emphasizes the importance of compassionate resourcing and body-centered practices in the journey of trauma recovery. She beautifully highlights the paradoxical nature of healing, where strength and vulnerability intertwine, and extends an invitation to listeners to soften and rest amidst life's challenges. We hope you’ll check out Aundi’s recently-released "Strong Like Water Guided Journey," available wherever books are sold.  

We often spend time reflecting on how our family of origin shapes our stories. But today, we're turning our attention to another important part of who we are, both personally and collectively: our church family history. This week, we are honored to host The Rev. Dr. Jennifer Powell McNutt, a distinguished church historian, professor, and author. Dr. McNutt serves as the Franklin S. Dyrness Associate Professor of Biblical and Theological Studies at Wheaton College and is the co-author, alongside David W. McNutt, of the upcoming book, "Know the Theologians." Given the challenges and controversies within the church today, it's crucial to understand the relevance of our church family history. Jennifer, Dan, and Rachael highlight the need to learn from both the successes and failures of past generations and to recognize God's faithfulness throughout history. While learning about church history might seem intimidating at first, it's incredibly valuable in understanding our Christian tradition and where we're headed together. We hope this conversation inspires you to do your own exploration of the influences of this unique "family tree." Jennifer will return later this year to continue this conversation. In the meantime, we encourage you to explore her new book, "Know the Theologians," available April 2 at bookstores everywhere.

*Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and sexual activity, and is intended for adult audiences only. Listener discretion is advised.* Linda Royster and Sue Cunningham join Dan Allender to discuss the transformative impact of Recovery Weeks.  Recovery Week is a holistic experience designed to create a relational, healing space for survivors to explore and engage the impact of their stories of sexual abuse. The Allender Center offers a Men’s Recovery Week, a Women’s Recovery Week, and a Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma & Healing for Women of Color. With extensive involvement in Women’s Recovery Weeks for many years, Linda and Sue, along with Vanessa Sadler, are leading this year’s inaugural Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma and Healing. Reflecting on her initial experience as the sole Woman of Color in attendance, Linda shares how profoundly impactful the healing experience was, sparking her desire to create a dedicated space addressing the intersectionality of sexual abuse and racial trauma for Women of Color. An important aspect of this Recovery Week is the acknowledgment of how women of color may carry the shame of trauma differently. Linda emphasizes understanding the reality of identity and how it informs the response to the harm suffered within both the community and the larger context. This unique identity informs questions about whether care will be available and whether spaces will be made accessible for women who hold certain identities. This aspect of the work during the Recovery Week aims to recognize and honor these differences, ensuring that care is accessible and tailored to the needs of Women of Color. For those curious about the essence of a Recovery Week, this episode offers a glimpse into the healing processes and profound connections forged during these events. You’ll hear firsthand about how participants engage in intimate conversations exploring their healing journey, confronting the challenges of shame and betrayal, and celebrating the beauty of finding belonging and mutual support through bearing witness to each other's stories. If you’d like more information about Recovery Weeks with the Allender Center, please visit theallendercenter.org/workshops.

This week’s conversation dives into a difficult but essential topic: addressing past experiences of sexual abuse. We understand the weightiness of this subject and approach it with sensitivity and care. At the Allender Center, this work is central to our mission, and while it's undeniably challenging, we've also witnessed its profound goodness. Our journey toward healing doesn't involve bypassing the pain but rather moving through it. Dan and Rachael navigate the complexities of addressing sexual abuse, acknowledging the costs - both internal and external - that survivors face. They compassionately explore the impact trauma has on the body, relationships, and spirituality. Rachael eloquently expresses the intricate nature of this process, recognizing the need to navigate the debris of past harm while holding space for the potential for growth and beauty. The conversation extends to the ripple effects on relationships, including disruptions within familial, marital, and friendship dynamics. Dan emphasizes the importance of having supportive allies who understand the complexities of the healing journey, even as it may challenge existing relational dynamics. In the spiritual realm, Rachael and Dan delve into the complexities of wrestling with faith in the aftermath of sexual abuse. They bravely confront questions and doubts about God's role in suffering while also acknowledging the possibility of deepened intimacy and connection with the divine. We invite you to find solace, insights, and encouragement in this discussion. We recognize the immense courage it takes to embark on a journey of healing and restoration. It is our firm belief that it's possible to reclaim your identity and discover hope amidst the pain. Please note that this episode contains discussions of sexual abuse and childhood sexual abuse, as well as brief explicit language that may be offensive to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised.  

In this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast, Linda Royster and Wendell Moss lead a profound discussion on the intricate dynamics of trauma, resilience, and the transformative role of community healing, particularly in the context of racial trauma. They discuss the profound impact of both personal and collective trauma, recognizing its reverberations across communities. They highlight the importance of not just surviving, but actively processing and learning from one's experiences. Conversely, they discuss how unhealthier forms of resilience, such as avoidance or denial of one's trauma, may actually impede the healing process. A poignant theme emerges as they emphasize the significance of facing one's story with courage and vulnerability, rather than turning away from it. They point out that resilience is not merely surviving but actively engaging with one's narrative and inviting others into that process. If you’d like to hear more from Linda and Wendell, we invite you to explore the Racial Trauma & Healing offerings from the Allender Center at theallendercenter.org/racial-trauma-and-healing . There you’ll find a free informational video series and details about our upcoming Story Workshop for Racial Trauma & Healing and our new Women’s Recovery Week with a Focus on Racial Trauma & Healing, both happening this spring.

What exactly is Narrative Focused Trauma Care? It’s grounded in the belief that healing is not only possible but also essential to the unfolding gospel story within and around us. This holistic approach integrates psychology and theology to holistically engage the heartbreaking impact of trauma and abuse with compassion and care through story.  The Allender Center specializes in training people to understand their own stories in order to more deeply enter the lives of those they are called to love and serve. We come alongside to equip and develop skills for wading into the difficult waters of heartache, trauma, and abuse. The foundations of Narrative Focused Trauma Care are unpacked in Level I training, where you'll explore your own narratives and those of others, with the ultimate goal of moving towards healing – for yourself, your relationships, and the broader community, paving the way for future generations In this episode, Dan and Rachael will lead us through the four intensive weekends of Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I training, offering insights into what participants can expect and some of the transformative experiences that wait for you. Dan emphasizes, “We want people to imagine in the small and in whatever ways they are drawn to dream, to begin to move into… better trauma care through story and ultimately the story of Jesus.” Be sure to catch the first part of this two-part conversation where we go deeper into the “why” behind Narrative Focused Trauma Care.  

We believe that healing, wholeness, connection, and flourishing are not just possibilities - it’s what we’re made for. We’re meant to know and to be known. Join Dan and Rachael as they guide you through a profound exploration of Narrative Focused Trauma Care and its theological roots. This conversation shares some of the "why" behind our healing and training offerings at the Allender Center. They delve into the Genesis narrative, illuminating the intersection between beauty and brokenness, tracing the shattering of shalom, and recognizing the lasting impact of trauma. Dan introduces the concept of "already and not yet," framing salvation as a journey encompassing past, present, and future. The conversation emphasizes the intricate interplay between brokenness and beauty, acknowledging humanity's struggle to find connection amidst trauma. Get ready for an insightful exploration that will deepen your understanding of Narrative Focused Trauma Care and its theological foundations, as we journey together toward healing and hope.  Be sure to join us next week to unpack the specifics of Narrative Focused Trauma Care and the training process involved in this holistic approach.  

Forming new, meaningful adult friendships or maintaining friendships throughout different seasons of life can be challenging. Can you really be friends with coworkers or the other parents at your kids' soccer games? And how do you tell if someone's just an acquaintance or a true friend? What makes a friendship strong? How can you tell if you're a good friend and if someone's a good friend to you?  Dan and Rachael take a look at the joy, depth, and sometimes messy beauty of genuine connections between people. From shared purposes to meaningful conversations and navigating conflicts with grace, they explore the essential ingredients of true friendship.  

“Everyone’s disciplined for what they love,” states Dr. Dan Allender.  The quest for becoming "more disciplined" prompts questions about motivation. Is it fueled by a higher purpose or overshadowed by shame and guilt? Does discipline revolve around self-control or simply a desire for control? What are the costs of being disciplined - and what goodness results from it? In their discussion, Dan and Rachael dive into these questions and more. They explore the complexities of discipline, the significance of small disciplined actions, and the sustaining power of delight and beauty.  

This week, Dr. J. Derek McNeil, the president of The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology, engages in a candid dialogue with Dr. Dan Allender, exploring the multifaceted challenges of leading in today's turbulent times. Whether you hold a formal leadership role or not, this conversation speaks to the universal nature of leadership. Whether as a parent, grandparent, or friend, each of us has a level of influence on others and grapples with the burden of providing guidance amid uncertainty. The conversation explores the tension between agency and dependence, and the balancing act of taking action and surrendering to a larger divine plan.  Derek candidly shares his journey, grappling with the uncertainties of life while prioritizing his mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Drawing from his upbringing and faith tradition, he finds solace in scripture, particularly Jeremiah 29:11, during moments of uncertainty and despair. His emphasis on cultivating a support system and fostering collaboration underscores the importance of community in leadership roles. As you engage with this conversation between two insightful leaders, we hope it deepens your understanding of the complexities of leadership and sparks a sense of renewed hope amid life's uncertainties.  

Join Dan and Rachael as they continue last week’s discussion about spiritual abuse. This week, they shift their focus to the healing process, exploring the challenges of naming and reconciling our experiences with spiritual abuse, particularly the difficulty in trusting others with our stories. Spiritual abuse casts a shadow, creating a landscape of distrust, fragmentation, and isolation, often cutting us off from the very thing that can help us heal - one another. Drawing from years of conducting Story Workshops, Dan and Rachael underscore the transformative power found in the collective sharing of our stories. It is this understanding that has led to the creation of the Story Workshop for Spiritual Abuse & Healing, which is designed to serve as a safe space for sharing, grieving, and hopefully, discovering more of the goodness of God within your own story. If you've felt the impact of spiritual abuse and are seeking a supportive, facilitated community to navigate the healing process, consider joining this transformative Story Workshop, happening March 15-17, 2024. You can learn more at theallendercenter.org/workshops

As we prepare for our upcoming Story Workshop for Spiritual Abuse & Healing, Dan and Rachael return to discuss to the insidious issue of spiritual abuse and the broken systems that perpetuate this type of harm. As many systems around us are crumbling, we hear story after story about overt abuse and misuse of power in high-profile churches and ministries. We also know that spiritual abuse can manifest across a spectrum, with some individuals perpetrating harm knowingly, while others may unknowingly be influenced by the systems they are part of, operating with good intentions or lacking awareness of subtle forms of spiritual abuse. Listen to learn how to recognize some of the subtleties of spiritual abuse – and also consider how to lean in as we personally and collectively seek redemption. Knowing that every system bears some brokenness, the question becomes:  how do we participate? Can we actively seek healing and redemption without giving in to cynicism? Join us next week for a follow-up to today’s conversation. If you have experienced spiritual abuse in your own life, we invite you to join us for the upcoming Story Workshop for Spiritual Abuse & Healing. Registration is now open at theallendercenter.org/events.

Containment is both something that we need to receive and it's something that we can provide for others in our roles as parents, spouses, friends, and members of a greater community - particularly during challenging times. Containment is not about control or maintaining the status quo; instead, it involves creating a safe space for others to express emotions and navigate difficulties. The concept of containment is closely tied to attunement, which means being aware of others' needs and understanding our own capacity as well. If you've heard about these concepts but want a deeper understanding and practical implementation in your life, we hope this episode offers you an insightful introduction. Listener Resources:  To take a deeper dive into the concepts of containment, attunement, and attachment theory in your own life, particularly as they relate to your family of origin, and learn to provide spaces of containment and healing for others, we recommend enrolling in the Story Sage Series online course from the Allender Center. If you’re a visual learner, we also recommend checking out Lindsay Braman’s article and stunning sketchnotes which wonderfully explain the concepts of containment and attunement.  

As we step into 2024, the global landscape presents us with profound challenges – from conflicts in Palestine and Israel to widespread war, economic disparities, and political divisions. Add to this mix the heightened levels of anxiety and rage permeating our society, all unfolding against the backdrop of an election year here in the U.S. In the midst of this complexity, how do we navigate our growing personal and collective anxiety, and can it be an opportunity for us to live more fully according to the gospel? To explore these questions, we’re honored to welcome back Curtis Chang, the author of "The Anxiety Opportunity" and co-author of "The After Party," as our first guest of the year. Curtis chats with us about how engaging with our own anxiety and that of others can pave the way for more restorative conversations and offer more hope as we look into the year ahead. Join us for this enlightening conversation to learn more about Curtis's work with his latest project, "The After Party," in today's episode. If you missed our previous discussion with Curtis last spring, you can catch it here.

It’s become an annual tradition for Dan and Becky Allender to reflect on their year on the podcast, and today, we get to hear their personal reflections on 2023. They discuss the loss of dear friends this year, the fragility of life, the heartache of crises happening around the world, and the impact of disappointment on some of their personal plans and dreams.  In the midst of grief, they also express gratitude for the goodness they have experienced this year. As we listen, themes of simplicity, aging, and the awareness of life's brevity emerge. The Allenders discuss the need for kindness and grace in facing disappointment and the importance of not succumbing to fear, leaving us with hope as we look forward to the new year.  

As you anticipate and prepare for your holiday feast, we invite you to pull up a seat at our table to discuss the rich sensuality of the aromas, flavors, and sounds that are embedded in the festive season.  Joining us for this discussion is Lauren Peiser, the Manager of Partnerships at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Today, however, we affectionately dub her our "resident gastronomist" on account of her passion for the enjoyment of good food and drink. This conversation not only explores the pleasure of a good meal but also delves into the theological aspects of the table and our relationship with food, drink, and the company of others. We hope you enjoy this delightful conversation as much as we did. Merry Christmas, friends.  

Looking for a good book to curl up with this winter? Dan and Rachael both highly recommend the new book by today’s guest, Blaine Eldredge: “The Paradise King.” The book is a unique exploration of Jesus through the Old Testament and into the New, blending historical fiction with a deep engagement with the biblical text. Blaine joins us today to discuss the inspiration behind the book, sharing a personal journey marked by challenges and loss. The book and our discussion serve as an open invitation to embark on an exploration of wonder, curiosity, and the transformative power of storytelling. You can find "The Paradise King" at your favorite bookstores, and don't miss our enlightening episode with Blaine Eldredge.  

You have a story and that story matters. Your story in your family of origin significantly affects the way you think, feel, and act in the world today. This is why Dan Allender says, “It is time to listen to your story.” What if healing begins by listening to your story? By reflecting on—and engaging—the experiences in your growing-up years, you can better understand why your brain has been shaped in the way that it has. These are the topics that Dan Allender, Cathy Loerzel, and Adam Young explore in today’s bonus podcast episode, which is a co-production between The Place We Find Ourselves Podcast and the Allender Center Podcast. If you want to experience more of the healing power of understanding your own story, join Adam, Cathy, and Dan in Atlanta, GA, on Saturday, February 3, 2024, for the StoryWork Conference. In-person and livestream tickets are available. CEU’s are also available for therapists. 🎫 Register at adamyoungcounseling.com

What’s the best present you’ve ever gotten? And what’s the present you were the most proud to give? Join Dan and Rachael in today's episode as they explore the nuances of gift-giving during the Christmas season. They share insights into their personal approaches to selecting and presenting gifts for their loved ones, while also navigating the complexities of holiday expectations, addressing grief and heartache that can come up, and emphasizing the importance of self-honoring. The conversation extends beyond material presents to the importance of "presence" – both in relationships and in connection with the divine during the holiday season.  

As they anticipate the upcoming Advent season, Dan and Rachael take a moment to look back, sharing their distinct perspectives on Christmas and delving into memories from their childhood associated with the holiday. Whether it's a genuine love for the rituals and traditions or a more somber reflection grounded in challenging past experiences, we’re exploring the diverse emotional landscapes that the season can evoke.  We invite you to listen as we discuss the role of nostalgia, memory, and location in order to allow for more compassionate and empathetic engagement with ourselves and with others as we navigate the joys and challenges that come with this season.  

As we approach a holiday season that’s highly focused on food, we’re thrilled to be joined by Diane Summers, MS, RDN, CEDS-S, CD, a highly experienced and nationally registered dietitian specializing in the treatment of eating disorders, for an insightful exploration of the multifaceted issue of food insecurity. Drawing on her 19 years of expertise, Diane delves into two essential frameworks through which to understand this critical topic. The first framework begins with a stark reality: 12.8% (17 million households) in the US face food insecurity, with disproportionately higher rates for Black and Hispanic households, as reported by the USDA. Food insecurity is defined here as the uncertainty or inability to acquire enough food due to insufficient funds or resources. This conversation also explores a second framework, inviting us to examine food insecurity through the lens of our culture's pervasive obsession with altering bodies through dieting and restrictive eating. A note to listeners that this conversation does mention disordered eating but does not go into detail.  Diane, along with Dan and Rachael, navigate the delicate terrain of recognizing the privilege of having access to enough food while also acknowledging the potentially unhealthy relationships many harbor with food. The discussion touches on the impact of societal norms, trauma associated with growing up in a diet culture, and the subsequent internalization of food as an adversary. This episode provides a thought-provoking and compassionate examination of the complex issue of food insecurity, with insights into the societal, cultural, and personal dynamics involved. Related Resources: Listen to our previous conversation with Diane Summers in Food, Kindness, and Our Bodies Resources cited in this episode: Poverty, by America by Matthew Desmond; USDA Food Security in the U.S. Statistics, 2022  

Have you ever wondered if you or a loved one may have adult ADHD? It's estimated that more than 8 million Americans, nearly 5% of the population, are living with this condition – many without even realizing it, as reported by WebMD. While ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition present from birth, it often goes undiagnosed until adulthood. This topic is gaining increasing awareness, and an adult diagnosis can lead to newfound self-awareness, helping individuals shed years of shame and confusion. Joining us as our esteemed guest is Dr. Pam Davis, the Director of Graduate Programs in Counseling at Gordon Conwell Theological Seminary. Dr. Davis is a Licensed Professional Counselor Supervisor in North Carolina and a Registered Play Therapist Supervisor for the Association of Play Therapy. In this episode, Dr. Davis answers our questions about the symptoms of adult ADHD, the reasons for missed childhood diagnoses, and how to navigate this condition, whether it's within yourself or in your relationships with others.  Please note that this episode, like all of our podcast content, is not intended to replace medical advice. If you suspect you may have ADHD, it's advisable to seek professional assessment and treatment options from a healthcare provider.  

Trauma is inevitable in a fallen world. It can range from small "t" traumas to capital "T" traumas, but the common thread is the violation of your dignity as a human being.  If trauma is inevitable, this means we are all encountering stories of trauma every day - in our own lives and in the lives of those around us. So what are we to do when someone we love or care for is hurting? You might find yourself saying, "I'm so sorry to hear that," but often, it feels like you're not doing enough to truly help. To make a real difference, we must begin by gaining a deeper understanding of the impact of trauma and abuse, starting with our own experiences. If today's conversation strikes a chord with you and you're ready to explore your own trauma stories to better support others with courage and care, we invite you to check out the newly launched Effective Trauma Care Online Course. For more information, visit theallendercenter.org/online-courses    

How can we become more capable of repairing our relationships with ourselves, others, and with God? In this episode, Dan and Rachael dive into the concept of repair in both personal and larger societal contexts. They stress the importance of humility in our repair process, introducing the concept of "epistemic humility" as a way to express love by making space for others. It’s a curious approach that acknowledges the limitations of our perspective, which is shaped by our unique experiences. The conversation becomes personal as they reflect on a past publication that may have caused harm and explore how these experiences can be used for growth and repair. By practicing repair with justice, mercy, and humility (Micah 6:8) in our day-to-day personal relationships, we can also begin to address broader societal issues with a similar approach. Rachael closes out this episode with this reminder: “Repair is a core part of what it means to love and be loved.” This episode contains brief explicit language that may be offensive to some listeners; discretion is advised.

We’re so pleased to be joined by therapist and author Aundi Kolber, known for her acclaimed works "Try Softer" and, most recently, "Strong Like Water." As a licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma- and body-centered therapies, Aundi's expertise is deeply informed by her personal journey of healing from complex childhood trauma.  Aundi candidly shares her personal journey of healing, from confronting the profound extent of her past trauma and discovering healing methods that nurture a sense of safety, self-care, and self-compassion. She shares: “Part of my own journey, and I think my writing, I hope, I pray, that the trajectory of my writing is about that to live into these values actually has required me to get softer so I could get stronger.” We invite you to join Dan, Rachael, and Aundi on this week’s episode of the Allender Center Podcast. This episode contains brief explicit language that may be offensive to some listeners; discretion is advised.

When it comes to telling the truth, we grapple with a fundamental tension— we’re living in a fallen world as imperfect beings, yet we also recognize and long for the beauty of truth. When it comes to relationships, especially close ones, this tension can become even more complex. The fear of potential consequences often competes with our desire to be honest and authentic. Navigating this path can be tricky. There's a fine line between being authentic and being cruel. What's needed is a generous spirit, an understanding of how much truth we can bear, and kindness. Dan closes the episode with the gentle reminder: “And this is why I keep coming back to Jesus being able to say, I am the way and the truth and the life. And if I'm intending to follow, to be aligned and alive and molded, then I want that way. I want that truth. I want that life. And I'm going to find it not in myself, not in you, but in him, and therefore in me, and you and us. And it just holds the tension that what we dream we will never get, but what we dream we will become.”

Ever wondered why we sometimes keep the truth hidden, even from those we love most? Today, we’re exploring the intricacies of truth and deceit with questions like: Why do we resort to little white lies? What drives us to withhold the truth? Is keeping a secret ever an act of love? And how do we navigate the weight of truth when it feels unbearable? The humbling reality is that none of us can handle the unfiltered truth all the time and we all have the capacity for deception. How does recognizing our inability to bear the full truth serve us? How can we move toward greater honesty and authenticity, both within ourselves and in our relationships with others? Join Dan and Rachael as they navigate the depths of truth, deception, and the hope that emerges from our quest for more honesty and love.  

Join us for an all-new episode of the Allender Center Podcast as we sit down with our dear friend Matthias Roberts, author of the upcoming book "Holy Runaways: Rediscovering Faith After Being Burned by Religion." Matthias, a queer psychotherapist specializing in religious and spiritual trauma, brings a unique perspective to the conversation. His book is a beacon of hope for those who have felt ignored, oppressed, or rejected by their religious communities and churches. It offers a clear path forward, centered on speaking truth, deep listening, and acting with compassion. Join co-hosts Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they engage in a conversation with Matthias about the origins of his latest book, the struggle between staying put and envisioning fresh paths forward, and the unexpected connections between concrete and our faith. Yes, concrete. If you're eager to explore a fresh perspective on faith, healing, and the power of community, this episode is a must-listen. Plus, don’t miss Matthias's book, "Holy Runaways," now available for pre-order at https://matthiasroberts.com/holyrunaways/ and coming to bookstores everywhere on October 3rd.

Welcome to a very special episode of the Allender Center Podcast! We can hardly believe it, but today marks a monumental milestone – our 500th episode! 🎉 Join your hosts, Dan and Rachael, as they come together to celebrate this incredible journey with you, our listeners, and to answer some of your questions about the inner workings of the conversations that happen here on the Allender Center Podcast. As a heartfelt thank you for your support, we're doing something extra special: Head over to theallendercenter.org/500 to not only listen but to WATCH the live recording of this celebratory episode with Dan and Rachael.  You’ll also gain access to a special bonus section, where Dan and Rachael dive deeper into your questions and share some personal behind-the-scenes stories. It's a unique peek into the making of the Allender Center Podcast that you won't want to miss. 👉 Get access to this week’s video episode and bonus segment at: theallendercenter.org/500 All of us here at the Allender Center are grateful for your loyal listenership. It's your continued support and engagement that have made this journey so remarkable. So, we hope you’ll join us as we celebrate 500 episodes of growth, healing, and connection. And here’s to 500 more!  

When we examine the far-reaching impact of spiritual abuse, it becomes evident that it transcends isolated incidents, permeating a broader culture, system, and ideology that inflict harm. In this week's episode, Rachael engages in a thought-provoking conversation with Joel Kiekintveld, a pastor and Adjunct Professor at The Seattle School, shedding light on the intricate dynamics of systems and cultures that foster spiritually abusive environments. Joel recently hosted Season 4 of Transforming Engagement, the Podcast, called "Church After Mars Hill," in response to the widely popular podcast, “The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill.” Through their series of conversations, Joel and his guests not only examine Mars Hill Church as a case study to identify the systems, cultures, and leadership structures that contributed to its downfall, but they also create a space for introspection and imagination for what can be done with these lessons learned. In the aftermath of the destruction wrought by spiritually abusive church cultures, their dialogues explore the delicate tension between deconstruction and rebuilding. We hope you enjoy this conversation and also check out “Church After Mars Hill,” the full season of Transforming Engagement, the Podcast, at transformingengagement.org/podcast   

In a time when divisions seem to define us, can we still foster meaningful conversations capable of driving real change? In anticipation of the upcoming virtual summit, “Seattle School Connect 2023: Discourse,” we’re exploring the intricacies and challenges of engaging in discourse with Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President and Provost of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Discourse isn't simply having a conversation; it's a transformative dialogue that can impact and change us. In this episode hosted by Rachael Clinton Chen, Derek McNeil walks us through some of the challenges we face in a world filled with polarization, trauma, the influence of technology, and much more. He also delineates some of the essential elements necessary for authentic discourse to thrive, emphasizing the creation of intentional and sacred spaces where curiosity and empathetic understanding can truly flourish. We hope you’ll join us for Seattle School Connect 2023: Discourse, a free virtual summit kicking off this fall. This series is designed to engage in challenging discussions in order to enhance our capacity to serve God and neighbor through transforming relationships. The inaugural event hosted by The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology is centered around the art of discourse, focusing on pertinent cultural topics. With a lineup of 6 live conversations, we aim to explore the practice of constructive conversations while embodying values of humility and hospitality. By engaging in these discussions, attendees will gain insights into bridging gaps, confronting personal assumptions, and building relationships grounded in empathy and growth. Registration is free and open to all. Learn more at https://theseattleschool.edu/event/connect2023/

We’re back with Curt Thompson, MD, to talk about hope. Have you ever wondered how to summon hope when everything seems bleak? Is hope a fleeting notion or something we can truly cultivate? Hope, like faith and love, is not just an abstraction, but a skill we can nurture. It's a profound practice that finds its home in both our minds and bodies. Curt shares: “The things that I pay attention to on purpose, I remember. And what I remember becomes my anticipated future. Hope is a function of the mind that addresses the future. And this is what I mean when I say hope is a thing that I form by paying attention to the glory that is offered to me in the middle of my pain, in the present moment. And it requires lots and lots of practice, but it then is not like, ‘Oh, maybe I'll have hope. I hope I have hope.’ It's a thing that I maybe I won't like. And so… I'm going to have to practice.”    We thrive on shared experiences of hope within a community. Even a brief 3-minute interaction can spark the daring prospect of relying on another person. Our communal practice etches hope into our brain's pathways, grounding it in the way we engage with one another. Although personal introspection has its place, the true growth of hope blossoms within the context of human connection. Tune in to this thought-provoking dialogue as we explore the intricacies of cultivating hope and the transformative power of embracing it together. As you listen, we’d be honored if you shared this episode with someone else, too! theallendercenter.org/podcast

This week, we have the privilege of welcoming psychiatrist, speaker and author, Curt Thompson, MD, to the Allender Center Podcast. Curt skillfully guides us through a journey into the roots of shame within the human experience. He explores its emergence even before the infamous act of consuming the forbidden fruit, noting that the serpent's temptation, often overlooked as an act of violence, effectively exploits and manipulates shame. This manipulation resonates through time, manifesting in ways that disconnect individuals from one another and create internal divides, subsequently impacting personal unity and relationships. Joined by co-hosts Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, this conversation unfolds at the crossroads of theology, neuroscience, and the intricate tapestry of the human experience. We think you’ll encounter at least a few thought-provoking concepts that you may not have considered before – we certainly did! And there's still more to come. Stay tuned for Part 2 of our engaging discussion with Dr. Curt Thompson next week.  

Let’s talk about gaslighting — a manipulation tactic that seeks to distort reality and erode one's sense of self. In this episode, Dan and Rachael dissect the mechanics of gaslighting, from its manifestation in personal relationships to its insidious presence within larger structures and societal frameworks. Gaslighting operates in the shadows, a subtle and insidious act that can be challenging to spot and break free from.  Our hope is that this conversation will not only help you identify instances of gaslighting but also shed light on the path toward profound healing.   

When trauma occurs, how can you respond effectively in those critical moments? Tragedy is an inevitable part of life, and having immediate tools to respond can help mitigate compounding trauma.  Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they offer a practical framework for engaging with traumatic experiences. They present a 3-step process to help you respond: sitting down, grounding yourself with both feet on the floor, and focusing on your breath. This is not about resolving trauma, but rather how to tend to your body in those crucial moments. While these strategies are not a substitute for professional help or a comprehensive trauma healing journey, the aim is to provide practical tools to regulate and care for yourself or others during those initial minutes or hours after a traumatic experience. Please note, we understand that discussing traumatic experiences can be triggering, and we encourage you to be compassionate with yourselves as you listen. Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they equip you with essential insights and practical tools for trauma triage, empowering you to respond compassionately and effectively to trauma when it occurs.  

Join Rachael and Dan in this podcast episode along with Jill Dyer, Facilitator Care Coordinator at the Allender Center, to delve into the transformative power of prayer as a part of the healing journey and connecting with God and ourselves amidst harm and trauma. We understand that the thought of prayer can evoke different reactions. While it may bring comfort to some, it could also trigger further trauma and avoidance for others.  With this in mind, this discussion explores various forms of prayer that authentically emerge from within, going beyond structured words and embracing our embodied expressions of prayer. Jill shares how prayers can take many forms, from expressions of laughter to heartfelt laments, all of which can be powerful ways to connect with God.  The conversation also delves into the importance of attachment with God and how prayer can aid in repairing and deepening that connection. Join us in considering the profound impact of prayer on the journey towards healing and growth.  

This week’s bonus episode was recorded with philosopher, professor, and author, Dr. Esther Lightcap Meek, as she was entering into her role as the inaugural Senior Scholar at The Seattle School in late 2022. Joined by hosts Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Chelle Stearns, this discussion centers around the importance of valuing and delighting in the real.  Epistemology is “the theory of knowledge,” or how we know what we know. Esther argues that knowing is not about acquiring power or control over things but rather about engaging in a loving relationship with reality. If you have a passion for philosophy, theology, or are simply seeking a fresh perspective, this episode is for you. In fact, you may find yourself listening more than once to extract all the nuggets of wisdom contained within.  

We are thrilled to have Marcie Alvis Walker, the creator of the popular Instagram feed "Black Coffee With White Friends" and the author of the compelling memoir "Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays," as our special guest on this week's episode of the Allender Center Podcast. Hosting this insightful conversation are Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster from the Allender Center. Marcie shares a bit about her process of writing her debut book, in which she beautifully shares her unique stories with candidness. She skillfully interlaces the tapestry of her cultural upbringing, along with her personal experiences grappling with various forms of racism, perfectionism, and the complex dynamics with her mother. Get ready to be inspired and moved as we hear a glimpse into her powerful narrative, and be sure to pick up her book “Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays,” available wherever books are sold. About our guest: Marcie Alvis Walker is the creator of the popular Instagram feed Black Coffee with White Friends. She is also the creator of Black Eyed Bible Stories. Marcie is passionate about what it means to embrace intersectionality, diversity, and inclusion in our spiritual lives. She lives in Chicago with her husband, her college-aged kid Max, and their dog, Evie. Her new book, EVERYBODY COME ALIVE: A MEMOIR IN ESSAYS, is available wherever books are sold.   Listener Resources: Check out Marcie Alvis Walker’s book, Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir In Essays Learn about Allender Center’s Racial Trauma & Healing offerings Enroll in the Healing the Wounded Heart online course from the Allender Center Read Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan Allender  

“We're going to invite you as an audience to address the reality that we need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. Whether we have children, whether we have a partner. We need to be mothered and we need to be fathered. And equally, we need to mother and father,” begins Dr. Dan Allender in this week’s podcast episode, “The Eternality of Parenting.” We all have a deep need to be loved and to belong. Our parents are meant to be the first people to meet this need, but they are not always able to do so perfectly. We all have wounds from our childhood, and these wounds can continue to shape our lives. As we grow into adulthood, our fundamental need for love and belonging remains constant, even as we develop the ability to care for others. Recognizing this truth allows us to delve into the profound intersection of being both a parent and a child, as we continue to navigate our personal journeys of growth and healing. Join Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen as they share personal stories of their experiences with being parented, parenting, and even grandparenting. Together, they delve into the profound concept of "The Eternality of Parenting" and its impact on our lives and relationships.  

In relationships, there are conflicts that cannot be resolved with a clear “right” or “wrong.” In fact, the Gottman Institute’s research cites that nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable. Earlier this year, Dan and Becky Allender talked through unresolvable conflicts from their perspective of over four decades of marriage. Now, we’re revisiting the topic with our other co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, and her husband Michael Chen, who have been married since 2019. Rachael and Michael explore the complexities of unresolvable conflicts in marriage and share their personal insights about navigating these challenging situations. They both emphasize the importance of story work and how it’s given them a common ground to understand and engage how they’re feeling. They also highlight the importance of returning to one another after the moment to engage those difficult conversations. In doing so, progress can be made, even if it’s not immediate or exactly how either of you would envision it.  Rachael concludes the conversation by pointing out, “It's not by avoiding conflict or sidestepping it or somehow finding a way around it. It's actually often in the heart of the irresolvable tension that I think the Spirit is making something new. And that really can only be the work of the gospel.”   Listener Resources: Listen to the episode, “Unresolvable Conflict” with Dan and Becky Allender Learn more about the Marriage Conference, happening this October 13-14 in Park City Utah Discover more marriage offerings from the Allender Center, including our Marriage Online Course * Source: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, PhD and Nan Silver, 2015  

In a world that can feel overwhelming and unsafe, we all long for safe havens in our relationships. But how do we create that safety? On this episode of the podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen chats with Dan and Becky Allender about their journey to intimacy and understanding in their marriage. Dan and Becky have been married for decades, but they both say that the real transformation in their relationship has happened only in recent years. They credit much of this breakthrough to doing story work and understanding their own family of origin stories, as well as each other's. But they also point out that creating awareness alone is just the beginning. Deciding to enter into their relationship with kindness and curiosity has helped them build trust and safety with each other. Rachael points out: “The more we honor one another's need for safety and meet each other there and rebuild a different kind of trust that we're capable of, that it's actually the more risks we can take in our relationship and we can take together. Because there's a trust “ If you're seeking ways to build trust and closeness in your most important relationships, we hope you'll find this conversation thought-provoking and insightful. If you and your partner would like to discover more about your stories, grow in kindness and care, and find courage in conflict, we invite you to join us for the Marriage Conference this October 13-14, 2023, in beautiful Park City, Utah. Learn more at theallendercenter.org/marriage  

With the arrival of summer, there is an expectation of rest and play. But for many, true rest is elusive. The demands of work, family, and financial responsibilities often hinder our ability to slow down and embrace rest. In our society, busyness is glorified, and we often fear being still, as it may require us to confront our own heartache. However, reflecting on the invitation of Jesus in Matthew 11:28-30, we are prompted to consider the joy and sweetness that can be found when we rest.  Dan mentioned in “Sabbath, Explained,” a previous podcast episode: "We need a taste of Eden to be able to continue engaging in the issues of a fallen world and our own fallen heart. But in that, it's also a taste of the coming kingdom. A taste of what we are meant to know today and yet we will one day know in fullness." While we may not achieve instant transition from a hectic pace to complete stillness, taking gradual steps towards rest has the potential to bring about joy and transformation. Related Resources: Listen to more Allender Center Podcast episodes about Sabbath Read Sabbath by Dr. Dan Allender  

Artists, creatives, and music lovers, join us in welcoming special guests, Daniel and Lauren Goans, the musical duo who make Lowland Hum.  In their chat with Dan and Rachael, Daniel and Lauren share a bit of their stories as creatives, talking about their life as artists, their journey of creating music, and the changes they experienced after becoming parents. They reflect on the mysterious and healing nature of singing and songwriting, how music comes through them, and the importance of being present in the moment. The conversation also examines the significance of the passage from Ephesians chapter five, focusing on the invitation to be engaged and connected with oneself and with others, rather than solely pursuing a disembodied spiritual practice.  Join us for “The Spirituality of Song” as we explore the artistic journey, some of the complexities of transitioning into new life stages, and the transformative nature of music and the creative process.  

From gardening to cooking, acting to playing an instrument, building to writing, painting, and more – there's a profound connection between creativity and the spirituality of crafting. The act of making, building, and tending to something carries a healing and integrating power to our bodies, minds, and souls. In this episode, we are thrilled to have Melissa Dowell and Jordan Dowell as our special guests. Melissa, not only the Allender Center's Product Development Manager but also a talented theater actor, and her husband Jordan Dowell, a graduate of The Seattle School, an exceptional fine furniture maker, and the founder of This Is Urban Made.  Joining Dan and Rachael, this creative couple discuss their creative processes and explore the profound beauty, risk, and fulfillment that can come with engaging in our respective crafts.  Do you have a craft that resonates with you? If not, don't worry! Tune in to this episode and perhaps this conversation will inspire you to uncover the craft that may be hidden within your own life.  

In a world that often prioritizes rationality and intellect over intuition and our bodies’ cues, can we really “trust our gut”?  In this episode, Dan and Rachael explore the historical and cultural division between body and soul, shedding light on how our Western society tends to overlook the stories held within our bodies.  Drawing from a biblical perspective, they challenge the notion of this separation, highlighting the notion that our bodies are good and created in the image of God. By recognizing that the division between body and soul is a consequence of brokenness rather than an intended design, we can embark on a path towards healing, integration, and flourishing.

Shame is a universal experience that can impact our ability to fully engage with the world. It arises when we feel exposed or seen, creating a vulnerable moment where judgment looms, leaving us feeling tainted and unworthy. In this episode, Dan and Rachael explore some of the characters, themes, and settings that have shaped some of their personal stories of shame.  This conversation invites us to explore the complex layers of our own stories of shame, as well as how our shame intersects with other people's narratives of shame. As you consider the significant impact shame has on your relationships and your sense of self, we hope today’s episode serves as an invitation for greater kindness, blessing, and hope.  

“The fundamental question that anxiety poses [to] us is: What is our relationship to suffering?” notes this week’s podcast guest, author, theologian, and fellow sufferer of chronic anxiety, Curtis Chang. His new book, "The Anxiety Opportunity,” offers a fresh perspective on anxiety as a doorway to spiritual transformation. He challenges the idea that anxiety is an enemy to be defeated – instead presenting it as a path towards personal growth and a deeper connection with Jesus.  Curtis points out, “There's an invitation to redemption and that our best self found in Jesus is only found to the extent that we can go through our pain, including our pain of anxiety.” If you’re ready to think differently about the relationship between anxiety and spiritual growth, we invite you to listen to today’s conversation with Curtis Chang, then pick up your copy of “The Anxiety Opportunity: How Worry Is the Doorway to Your Best Self,” out this week anywhere books are sold.

In this episode, we delve into the ancient practice of pilgrimage, a ritual journey that takes a person on a quest for new and deeper understanding of themselves, others, or a higher purpose. Unlike a typical trip or vacation, a pilgrimage has a deliberate and intentional start, a journey of transformation, and a meaningful return to daily life. Brad and Rita Berglund, pilgrimage travel guides with Illuminated Journeys, share their story of how a life-altering event in their family led them on a transformative journey through pilgrimage. After their four-year-old son's devastating diagnosis in 1989, they discovered that all of life is a pilgrimage. Listen as they vulnerably share how pilgrimage helped them find meaning and redemption in the midst of their grief. Their experience inspired them to become guides, helping others on their journey of self-discovery and healing. Discover the transformative power of pilgrimage and how to incorporate it into your daily life. Join us in this episode as we explore the potential of pilgrimage and how it can help you find new meaning and purpose in your life.  

We are excited to have Sue Cunningham, who is acclaimed by Dan Allender as the officially-unofficial Poet Laureate of the Allender Center, back with us. In this discussion, we’re taking on the term "poiesis," which comes from the Greek word "to make" and is related to "poetry." At the Allender Center, we believe that writing and telling your story is an essential part of the process of understanding and processing traumatic experiences. We explore how poetry relates to this process in our conversation with Sue Cunningham, Dan Allender, and Rachael Clinton Chen. They also discuss the effects of the creative process on the brain and the power of using descriptive language to make meaning. We encourage you, our listeners, to be bold this week and try writing some poetry to see what insights you can gain from the experience. Sue invites us: “Will you have the courage to just say one true thing? And whether it's like you speak it and I'll write it down for you and then give it to you, or you scribble it in a journal or you write it on the back of a napkin, anything to say, it's honoring, you matter. You exist.”

“You can’t plan grief. You can’t plan when or how or what will occur,” says Dr. Dan Allender, “But there is something that has to be a decision perhaps made well before. Will I go into these waters or will I remain on the side?” In today’s podcast conversation, Dan and Rachael welcome Mary Ellen Owen, Counselor in Colorado Springs and Instructor and Facilitator at the Allender Center. They take a look at the process of moving through grief and moving from our heads to our hearts and bodies. Mary Ellen shares, “If you’re just a theological head exercise, you won’t move through grief. And there is another side… there is a lightness that comes. But… only if you do this in an embodied way.” Listen as she vulnerably shares some of her personal stories about her practices of grief.  

Note: This episode contains some explicit language; listener discretion is advised. After a relationship has ruptured, can there be repair? Dan and Rachael continue to talk through the cycle of friendship and the difficult process of reconciling a cherished friendship gone awry. Dan asks, “How do you go how you trust someone who's already harmed you to open the door to desire? Because to do that feels like you're now taking on way more than the original wound. You're taking on that shame on you first time for hurting me, shame on me the second time that I actually opened myself to further harm by wishing and opening the door to reconciliation.” Rachael shares, “It really does take a radical kind of hope. It takes a radical kind of vulnerability, humility, patience.” Listen as they talk through their personal experiences of rupture and repair, and the wisdom we can find in Romans 12 to “be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer,” as we move toward reconciliation and restoration.  

Why do friendships end? Perhaps there was a betrayal, the friendship was hard to maintain, or life happens. Whatever the reason, losing a friendship is hard. In this first conversation of a two-part series. Dan and Rachael talk about the very real feelings of loss, grief, anger that can accompany the loss of a friendship. Be sure to come back next week as we continue the conversation by talking through the hope of repentance, reconciliation, and restoration that’s possible in the wake of lost friendships.

Our tendency to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn when we feel when we’re triggered is often a response to something from our past. The work is not to eliminate all triggers, but to understand why you’re feeling triggered, how to defuse them when they come, and when to take a moment to slow down to care for our body, mind, and soul in response to those triggers. Listen to Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen discuss some of their triggers and some of their strategies for defusing those triggers in this week’s episode of the Allender Center Podcast.  

How do you know that someone in your life is setting you up for harm? While we don’t want to promote paranoia, it’s important to be aware of some of the common strategies of those who perpetrate harm against you, whether that is spiritual, sexual, relational, financial, or emotional harm.  Dan begins this episode by saying, “We are meant to expose the schemes of evil, and we can't expose them if we're not aware of them. But to become aware, we're dabbling in some degree of darkness, of the violation of human dignity.”  So dear listeners, please be aware that this episode covers the sensitive topic of abuse, and we advise you to exercise self-awareness and self-care should you choose to listen.  As Rachael says, “Our hope is to help loosen the binds, not create more burdens. We'll try to move tenderly and gently with wisdom, but also boldness.”  

We are not just a collection of stories - we are a story. So how do we begin to make sense of a collection of seemingly random and unrelated stories to find a theme of who we are and what our purpose is?  Dan and Rachael talk about uncovering the lies in our stories, finding the connective threads in the themes of our lives, and discovering the ways in which our stories reveal something unique about the character of God. To learn more about telling your story in a deeper and more transformative way, we invite you to participate in one of our Story Workshops. You can find out more about upcoming workshops at theallendercenter.org/events  

If you’re familiar with the work of the Allender Center, you’ve probably heard us say: ““You cannot take anyone further than you have gone.” Whether you’re in a leadership position at work, at church, or within your family, if you hope to lead and help others along their journey, you have to also embark on your own healing journey. This is not something you can observe from the sidelines and coach someone through without doing the work yourself. So what’s involved in that healing process for leaders? What stops us from healing? And are we ever “done” healing?  Join Dan Allender, Rachael Clinton Chen, and Linda Royster as they continue their conversation around the need to heal to lead.  

“Every person is a leader in some form. Every person is influencing others to some degree - whether you're a pastor or whether you're managing your children's soccer team, you are in the middle of something complex and difficult,” says Dr. Dan Allender, as he kicks off the conversation with Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster. In this week’s podcast episode, we consider the paradox of leadership that Moses experienced leading the Israelites. Being in a leadership position is an honor and a calling, but it often comes with significant challenges and complexities. How does a reluctant leader grapple with the lament they feel while being compelled by their calling and purpose? “We can’t escape the call to lead because… there is hope for more. There’s hope for goodness. There is a call and a burden for people to experience freedom. That’s in part what makes it bearable for me… You move forward because hope abides and comfort does come,” shares Linda. Next week, we’ll return to talk about the the importance of leaders first experiencing their own healing in order to engage those they serve with kindness, goodness, and hope.  

We are thrilled to welcome back podcast co-host Rachael Clinton Chen, who is returning to us from maternity leave! In this conversation with Dan, Rachael catches us up on life as a new mother, her experiences with labor and the first few months, and her observations on the incredible burdens that women bear. If you are a parent or caregiver, we think this episode will be especially relatable, but we hope that all who listen will walk away with a renewed sense of the awe, terror, and joy of the responsibility of caring for those who are most vulnerable in our lives. Congratulations Rachael, Michael, and family on your precious blessing, and welcome Evelyn Grace!

“Our memories are our stories and there's no story that we tell that isn't from our vantage point,” says our guest this week, Cathy Loerzel, MA.  As we engage our stories and try to recall past events, some of our memories may feel unclear, incomplete, or even untrustworthy.  Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel unpack how the brain fragments or scatters painful memories as a trauma response, and how we can work to shed light on those parts of our stories from the past in order to help us live into our present stories with greater freedom.  

We all have experienced betrayal in our relationships. We typically think of betrayal as an affair or deception, and some of us may be quick to say, “That doesn’t apply to my relationship.”  But what today’s conversation points out is that betrayal is actually anything that disconnects us from our partner and places something else above that person we love most. These moments of betrayal can lead to hurt, disappointment, shame, and a loss of trust. How do we navigate those moments of betrayal when we feel so wounded? And, whether you’re the one who has perpetrated the harm or you’re the one who has been on the receiving end of that harm, how do we bravely enter into the spaces of shame to name the harm that’s been done and grow together as a couple? Join Dan and Becky Allender of the Allender Center and Steve and Lisa Call of the Reconnect Institute as they talk about re-engaging with your spouse in those moments of betrayal to cultivate a new sense of trust and hope in your marriage.  

Attachment is an emotional bond we feel with another person who responds to our needs. This begins as an infant as we attach (or fail to attach) to our caregivers then extends into our adult life, often showing up in the ways we relate to others. In today’s episode, Dan and Becky Allender are joined by Steve and Lisa Call from Reconnect Institute to examine how our attachment styles emerge within the context of marriage, how to identify and name those attachments, and how to learn and heal in our most intimate relationships.  

So much of our beauty and brokenness — so much of what makes us who we are today — is tied to our family of origin.  The ways in which we act, react, and interact with others are directly tied to our childhood origin stories and the hurt that we all inevitably experienced – no matter how perfect (or imperfect) our families were. Why should we spend time going back to name the hurt we experienced growing up? Is it worth it to stir up those memories, talk about painful experiences, and potentially upset our loved ones?  Dr. Dan Allender and Adam Young, LCSW, MDiv, candidly share their own personal experiences of courageously engaging their parents in conversations and, over time, discovering more grace, understanding, and freedom in the process. We hope this conversation sparks courage within you to engage some of the difficult truths of the past in order to discover a new hope for your life right now.  If you’d like to hear more, we invite you to join Dan and Adam on February 23 for “Family of Origin,” a new online seminar from the Allender Center. Registration is now open at theallendercenter.org/events

Annie Allender Robbins and Amanda Christian join their dad, Dan Allender, for a personal and profound dialogue about how they were raised, how that shaped them, and the work that they have done as adults to discover a new width of freedom to be who they really are. Dan also reflects on healing he has found as a parent, and now a grandparent, through his relationship with his children.

According to the research of the Gottman Institute, nearly 70% of relationship conflicts are unresolvable - meaning, there is no clear right or wrong resolution. After recently celebrating their 46th wedding anniversary, Dan and Becky Allender come together to talk about conflict, particularly within the context of marriage. Throughout any relationship, conflict is inevitible - and it can look different in different seasons or settings.  You’ll hear Dan and Becky highlight two traps that are easy to fall into: conflict avoidance (don’t go there!) and indifferent compromise (just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it your way). You’ll also hear them talk through some of the keys of navigating moments of conflict: slowing down, naming the patterns, and caring for one another in the moment - even when there is no clear resolution.    

Wendell Moss, lead instructor and facilitator at the Allender Center, joins Dan Allender on the podcast this week to discuss the crucial passage of Micah 6:8:  “He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (NIV) Why are justice, mercy, and humility bound together in this passage? And how do they intersect with one another? Listen to this deep dive into the way that these three elements interplay and create a charge that, as followers of Christ, we cannot ignore.  Wendell closes the conversation by pointing out: “This passage is inviting you to a commitment. It is good. It is required. Will you be committed?”

Welcome to a new year of the Allender Center Podcast! This week, Dan and Becky Allender reconvene to look forward with anticipation and expectation. Dan asks, “What do you want the year to hold? I think most people speak first of events... But I think one of the things that so seldom seems to be the primary category: who do you want to become?”

Happy New Year! As we close out 2022, Dan and Becky Allender sit down to reflect about the things they learned this year and what they wish to bring with them as they go into the new year. Listeners and friends, thank you for listening to the Allender Center Podcast this year. We are grateful every time you press “play,” and are thankful for all of your comments, feedback, and encouragement. We look forward to meeting you here again in the new year with new episodes! 

The message of Christmas is one that disrupts the norm and turns systems of power upside down. When we examine Mary’s Magnificat in Luke 1:46b-55, we see that disruption unfolding, not only in Mary’s own life, but in the course of humanity. Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by two guests from The Seattle SChool of Theology & Psychology: Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology, and Trevor Grindle, the Director of Marketing & Communications. Their conversation covers both cultural and personal implications of Mary’s Song.  As you listen this Christmas weekend and beyond, we invite you to join us to consider how this passage can impact our own lives and open our ears and hearts to the voices and stories around us with a fresh perspective. Trevor Grindle's tattoo: https://www.instagram.com/p/CdjQBUFvv1A/

We’re pleased to welcome Sue Cunningham back for another episode this week. You’re in for a treat: Sue shares one of her poems, “Mary and Michelangelo.” She and Dan reflect both on the poem itself and on the creative interpretation process that readers or listeners may have as well.

Many of us are inspired to create during the Christmas season - perhaps through hanging up decorations, baking treats and meals to share, or dreaming up creative gifts for loved ones. But beyond the tangible holiday projects, how does the season of Christmas inspire us to engage our creativity and playful nature? This week, Sue Cunningham, Licensed Professional Counselor and Facilitator at the Allender Center, joins Dr. Dan Allender to reflect on how creativity emerges through Christmas.Sue says, “The way God moves in the world with the Christmas story: Mary, Jesus, the whole story is all about creativity. And I just love the thought that God is the original creator, and we humans are image bearers. So we get to share in that creativity.”We hope you enjoy this week’s episode, “Sharing in the Creativity of Christmas.”

This week on the podcast, Dan is joined by author, speaker, and clinical psychologist Alexander John Shaia to engage the incarnation, the Christmas story, and a glimpse of John’s upbringing and the beautiful spiritual tradition of his family and culture. Born and raised in Birmingham, Alabama, Alexander John was part of a large extended family that had emigrated from Lebanon a generation previously. He grew up immersed in the ancient traditions of Middle Eastern Christianity (Maronite Catholicism) and was expected to become a priest, a family tradition since the year 1300. He was led otherwise. Hear more from Alexander John Shaia in this week’s podcast: “The Presence of the Incarnation.”

As we enter the holiday season with anticipation, there are times when we will also feel, well… disappointed. How do we honor disappointment without being bound by it? Dan and Becky Allender talk through their experiences with disappointment, how the body reacts when faced with disappointment, and the ways in which we can tend to our disappointments and still find hope.

As nature slows down, many of us are gearing up for a busy holiday season - beginning with Thanksgiving next week. Dan and Becky Allender unpack some of the nostalgia that surrounds the holiday, the tensions that arise from unmet expectations or clashing opinions, and what we can mindfully bring to the Thanksgiving table - and what can be left at the door.So as we enter into this season of “holiday madness,” as Dan puts it, we hope you can pause to consider what this time of year means for you, and how you can help foster a season of goodness for you and the people in your life.

Last month, we invited our social media followers to send in questions that they would like to hear Dan Allender address. We are honored that so many of you sent in questions and comments.  We’ll begin by addressing some of the questions about confronting past trauma in general, and trauma involving families of origin in particular. What if our past trauma is too painful to bear? Should we address our parents about trauma in our upbringing? How do we stop the trauma cycle with our own children?  Dan addresses these questions and more in this episode, hosted by Melissa Dowell from the Allender Center.  Listeners and friends - we are grateful for your questions. Stay tuned for more episodes in the future in which we’ll unpack more of the questions that were submitted.

Blaine Hogan joins Dr. Dan Allender on the podcast this week to talk about his new book, “Exit the Cave: Embracing a Life of Courage, Creativity, and Radical Imagination.” Blaine holds a Master of Arts in Theology and Culture from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. It was during his time at the Seattle School that he says, “It was time to go back to those stories, to those shadows, because I was reenacting them in so many heartbreaking ways to myself and to others.” In this conversation, Blaine describes his process of finding the goodness in his story, and how embracing his story allowed him to express his creativity more fully.

We recently wrapped up the Allender Center Marriage Conference with Dan and Becky Allender and Steve and Lisa Call of The Reconnect Institute. So as our team is reflecting on that incredible event and gearing up for next spring’s Marriage Enrichment Retreat, we thought we'd go back into the archives to revisit this conversation between the Allenders and the Calls. In this episode from 2020, the two couples talk about engaging triggers in a marriage. Whether you are married or not, we hope this topic will help you in any of your close relationships with a spouse, friend, or family member, and will prompt you to consider the triggers you have - and the triggers you notice in those close to you.

Does time really heal all wounds? After recently celebrating their respective 70th birthdays, Dan and Becky Allender sat down to look back over the decades with a different awareness, considering the trauma, the joy, the losses, and the blessings. They also explore the saying that “time heals all wounds” and explain why trauma does not honor time. The good news is that, instead of hoping that the passage of time will allow us to heal, we can step in and own our stories and begin to experience the redemption and restoration that God has for us.

Author and counselor Chris Bruno shares what it means to become a “sage” - recovering exiled parts of ourselves, gleaning the wisdom  from our stories, and sharing that wisdom generatively with others.  Wherever you are along your life journey, we think you’ll find a new perspective in this episode that can help you examine your story and your own passage into the role of sage.

Renee Begay, ministry leader and co-founder of Nations Ministry, joins us this week on the podcast. Renee is a member of the Zuni tribe and shares with us her journey of holding and honoring her Indigenous cultural identity within the Western cultural context of her Christian faith. This conversation is a beautiful reminder that we are invited to know our stories, value our unique identities, and know that we were each created to reveal the image of God in unique ways.

Our guest this week is Pastor James White, longtime friend of co-host Linda Royster. James is a highly sought out consultant, speaker and facilitator for several organizations and companies on issues relating to inclusion, equity and diversity. James White, Linda Royster, and Dan Allender discuss the distinct narratives in scripture of the so-called “marginalized,” the narratives of race that have been created and embedded into our Western culture to dehumanize the “other,” and the opportunities we have to experience shalom when we truly listen to one another’s narratives.“Whenever we talk about doing this work of diversity, equity, inclusion, we make it seem like it's just for marginalized people to gain power. I would say it’s so that we all can become the humans that God designed us to be,” says James White.

This week, we’re joined by Rev. Michael S. Chen, with Linda Royster co-hosting alongside Dr. Dan Allender.    As we lean in to listening to one another’s voices, we’re examining the impact of the oppressive systems on our individual and collective stories, and naming the more subtle systems of division, comparison, stereotypes, fear, and distrust that may impact our ability to truly listen.   Why are these conversations so important? As Michaen Chen points out, without the perspectives of others who also bear the image of God, we will have an impoverished view of who God is.

This week, we’re revisiting a conversation from 2018 between Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Angela Parker, Professor at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, as they explore the passage of 1 Corinthians 4:8-13. Dr. Parker starts by offering some context about the port city of Corinth and the people who make up the church Paul is writing to. It’s a divided city, concerned with hierarchy and proximity to power. Dr. Parker challenges us to consider Paul’s ethnicity, gender, and position as we wonder about “what might be going on underneath the text,” which also invites us to wrestle with our own nuanced identities as readers of the text.

“Marginalization is profoundly violent,” states Linda Royster in this week’s conversation with Dan Allender. Linda is the Strategic Alliances Manager, Lead Instructor, and Co-Facilitator of the Story Workshop for Racial Trauma and Healing at The Allender Center. From the very beginning, this conversation challenges the use of the term “marginalized.” As we engage topics such as race, gender, and cultural norms, this conversation sets the stage and reminds us to enter the conversation with the desire to listen - really listen - to voices that are often dismissed or diminished. Linda reminds us that listening well “requires a willingness to mature, to go beyond being the center of your own world and to actually take into consideration that there is value outside of yourself.”  

As we transition into the fall season, Dan and Becky Allender take a moment to reflect on their summer: the desires they had, the disappointments they felt, and the surprising lessons learned when things didn’t go as planned.

We’re joined again by author John Eldredge to talk about the hope that we can hold onto as we work through the collective and personal trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic. This is not accomplished through a to-do list, but rather through small practices that gently guide us deeper into the hope and restoration that God offers. John’s latest book, “Resilient: Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times,” identifies the warning signs of post-pandemic weariness while also pointing to the resilient human spirit and the hope we have in God. 

A lost train of thought, a lost sense of motivation, a lost temper… these are just some of the things we may have lost as a result of the personal and global trauma of the pandemic. As restrictions have lifted, many of us are rushing for relief, finding comfort in the things we lost like dining out, going to concerts, and taking vacations. While there’s nothing wrong with enjoying these activities, we may be using them as quick fixes to soothe the pain and isolation experienced over the past two years. Our guest this week, John Eldredge, has written about the need for acknowledging the trauma from the COVID-19 pandemic in his latest book, “Resilient: Restoring Your Weary Soul in These Turbulent Times.” In this conversation with Dr. Dan Allender, John points out the warning signs of post-pandemic weariness while also pointing to the resilient human spirit and the hope we have in God.  We invite you to slow your pace for the next half hour or so to thoughtfully consider this conversation with us. 

This week, Dr. Dan Allender, Dr. Chelle Stearns, and Matthias Roberts, MA, reconvene to continue their conversation about being “lost at sea.” Their conversation centers around the watery ritual of baptism: the terrifying acts of faith as we enter the murky waters and the renewal and redemption that God has for us. With deeply personal stories and compelling theological perspectives, we hope this conversation invites you to consider this ritual of renewal in new ways.

When we are rocked by trauma, loss, chaos, and uncertainty, it can feel like we are “lost at sea” without an anchor or clear direction. How do we begin to make sense of our lives and what we hold as true when we have left a familiar land? Join Dr. Dan Allender for part one of this two-part conversation with Dr. Chelle Stearns and Matthias Roberts as they reflect on their recent class at The Seattle School for Theology and Psychology called, “Lost at Sea.”  Next week, we’ll continue the discussion around rituals that can anchor us in hope and help us make sense of our lives in the midst of ambiguous waters.

In the third and final episode in our “Replay and Rest” series, we’ll revisit a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender as they reflect on the profound depths of rest we are invited to in Psalm 131. We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are choosing to re-air three popular past episodes that center around the theme of rest this month. Even if you have heard these before, we hope that you will take the time to listen, reflect, and purposely make space for rest in your own life.

The second episode in our “Replay and Rest” series is a reflection from Dr. Dan Allender during his sabbatical from teaching back in 2015. We hope that listening back to this portion of Dan's story will serve as an encouragement to examine our own attitudes towards rest. We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are choosing to re-air three popular past episodes that center around the theme of rest this month. Even if you have heard these before, we hope that you will take the time to listen, reflect, and purposely make space for rest in your own life.

We know that rest is of the utmost importance in order to recover from the toll that stress takes on our bodies, our minds, and our hearts. Here at The Allender Center, we are practicing what we teach and many of our team members are taking reduced work hours and vacation time during the month of July. In that spirit, we are choosing to re-air three popular past episodes that center around the theme of rest this month. Even if you have heard these before, we hope that you will take the time to listen, reflect, and purposely make space for rest in your own life. The first episode is one of our most-downloaded episodes of all time. This discussion with Jeanette White, the Executive Director of the Allender Center, and Rachel Sanchez, the Program Manager of the Center for Transforming Engagement, contains practical grounding techniques that can help you address stress in the moment. We invite you to revisit “Self Care with Practical Grounding Techniques” with us and be sure to check out the linked resources, too. Resources To get the 60 Second Aroma Reset Process that Jeanette White talks about, visit her website at https://www.revealandrelease.com/reset  Download the Self Care Menu referenced by Rachel Sanchez here: http://theallendercenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/Create-Your-Own-Self-Care-Menu.pdf If you work in ministry or a caring profession and would like to build your resilience, applications are open now for the Certificate in Resilient Service. Learn more: https://theseattleschool.edu/programs/certificate-resilient-service/

In case you missed the title of this episode, the big news is that our beloved co-host of The Allender Center Podcast, Rachael Clinton Chen, will be taking some time away as she and her husband prepare to welcome a new baby into their lives.  Rachael reflects on her journey so far as she chats with Dan Allender in what will be her final episode for the next few months. Please join us in wishing Rachael all the best, and as she says in her closing statement of this podcast: “See you on the other side.”

How did we get here? In our divided nation - and in our fragmenting churches - fear and hatred are running rampant.  This week, Dan Allender speaks with Pete Wehner, who is an in-residence Senior Fellow at The Trinity Forum, an author, and a contributor to publications such as the New York Times and The Atlantic.  Their conversation is an invitation to those of us within the body of Christ to consider the factors that influence our own stories, our faith, our political views, and our relationships with others.

How did we get here? In our divided nation - and in our fragmenting churches - fear and hatred are running rampant.  This week, Dan Allender speaks with Pete Wehner, who is an in-residence Senior Fellow at The Trinity Forum, an author, and a contributor to publications such as the New York Times and The Atlantic. Their conversation is an invitation to those of us within the body of Christ to consider the factors that influence our own stories, our faith, our political views, and our relationships with others.

We’re continuing with the second part of the conversation with Cole Arthur Riley, author of “This Here Flesh,” co-hosted by Rachael Clinton Chen and Linda Royster from The Allender Center. We’ll drop back into the discussion as Rachael asks Cole about the ways she has encountered God in the midst of encountering the trauma and horrors of her own story. If you missed the first part, you can go to the previous episode entitled, "This Here Flesh with Cole Arthur Riley, Part 1" to hear Cole speak about the impact of her family of origin on her life.

Rachael Clinton Chen is joined by Linda Royster from The Allender Center as they co-host this conversation with a very special guest. Cole Arthur Riley is the creator of Black Liturgies, a space for Black spiritual words of liberation, lament, rage, and rest; and a project of The Center for Dignity and Contemplation where she serves as Executive Curator. She is the author of the New York Times best selling book, This Here Flesh. In the first part of this conversation, Cole talks about the impact of her family of origin and how she came to tell her story. Be sure to stay tuned for the conclusion of this conversation in next week’s podcast episode, in which Cole will share how her story led her to a new understanding of the Divine.

In this week’s episode, Dan Allender speaks with one of the driving forces behind The Allender Center: Kalee Vandergrift Porter, the Director of Business Development. Kalee shares her journey of being drawn to chaos, grappling with the expectations put onto her growing up, and discovering her own voice in her story.

In this episode, Dan Allender interviews his boss, Jeanette White, who is the Executive Director of The Allender Center. You will get to hear some of the themes of Jeanette’s story, from her work in trauma care with The Allender Center to her personal encounters with trauma.

If you’ve just started following the Allender Center, or even if you’ve been around for a while, you may know us as an organization that holds space for healing from trauma and abuse. You may wonder why we place so much emphasis on story.This continued interview of Dan Allender by his co-host, Rachael Clinton Chen, reveals the history of the inception of the Allender Center, why story is at the core of our work, and the reason we believe each of our stories are the key to discovering real meaning and connection to ourselves, to God, and to others.

In the first of this two-part series, Rachael Clinton Chen interviews Dan Allender about the origins of his work in helping people address and heal sexual abuse. You’ll drop into Dan’s story in the mid-1980s as he was finishing his doctoral studies. He was asked a question by one of his clients: “What do you know about sexual abuse?” At the time, this very prevalent issue was not being addressed in secular culture, let alone by the church. Listen to how Dan grew into his unique role as a therapist, teacher, and innovative leader to help bring healing and transformation to those who have suffered harm and abuse. Please note this does discuss the sensitive topic of sexual abuse and may not be suitable for some listeners.

As we continue our discussion about spiritual abuse, this week we’re looking at its impacts and how we can begin to move towards healing. If this is a subject you’d like to continue to explore, or if you’d like to share this material with a loved one, we have a list of more articles, podcasts, and online learning opportunities in the show notes of today’s episode.

We recently re-released the recording of the Confronting Spiritual Abuse webinar led by Rachael Clinton Chen, so we’re also revisiting the topic of spiritual abuse here on the podcast. This week, Dan Allender interviews Rachael Clinton Chen about her experiences with spiritual abuse, how she started teaching on this topic, and how people can identify spiritually abusive people and systems that they encounter. We invite you to stay tuned for the second part of this conversation next week. If you’d like to go deeper into this topic, consider enrolling in the “Confronting Spiritual Abuse Re-Release.” This is a full day of teaching from Rachael Clinton Chen that you may go through at your own pace.  We offer this information not only to expose the harm, but because we believe that healing is possible. By doing this work, you can begin to reclaim spiritual beliefs and practices and reconnect with God and others in a deeper way.

Dan and Rachael continue their conversation from last week about post-traumatic stress. Once we identify and acknowledge it, how do we offer care for ourselves and those around us? We hope this conversation inspires you to  contemplate some of the simple self-care practices and rituals you can implement in your own life, and the ways in which you can tend to yourself and others with mercy and care.

Discussing the topic of post-traumatic stress can feel particularly overwhelming because so many of us are currently in a state of ongoing post-traumatic stress. Dan and Rachael approach this conversation feeling weary, yet determined to unpack the impacts of PTSD so that we all might have more awareness, understanding, and grace for ourselves and those around us. We especially acknowledge the leaders and helpers - healthcare workers, teachers, parents, friends, and family members helping loved ones.

As we approach Easter, Dan and Rachael consider the resurrection and the promise it holds for our own stories. The resurrection is not meant to dismiss suffering, but to give us hope that there is something on the other side of our suffering.

In this continued conversation on what it means to be wholehearted, Dan and Rachael ask one another - and you, dear listeners - to reflect on moments of wholeheartedness in our lives. These are the times when we are most present, most connected, and most alive. These are also the times when we can glimpse the fullness and glory of God.

What do you understand wholeheartedness to be? It often feels like an unattainable state, especially in this fallen world.  In this conversation, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen break down their experiences with becoming more wholehearted: the desire for its joy, the shame that often prevents us from embracing it, and the simple practices in which we can have an embodied, intentional movement toward Shalom.

In the third and final episode of our Sexual Abuse series, Dan and Rachael are joined by theologian Dr. Chelle Stearns. They discuss a difficult, and often controversial, topic of the ways in which Jesus fully took on humanity with all of its vulnerability, humiliation, and shame in order to suffer with us in those dark places and then bring redemption to them. Please note: This is a sensitive topic and you may want to use discretion if you are listening with younger listeners.

In the second episode of our series about sexual abuse, Dan and Rachael are joined by Linda Royster, licensed therapist and teaching staff at The Allender Center.  Linda defines supremacy and the misuse of power as it relates to sexual abuse, violence, and racism, and how it is in direct opposition to true Shalom.

Many of us encounter pornography at some point in our lives - often, our first exposure is during adolescence. Whether we encountered pornography intentionally or not, it is a form of sexual abuse that can lead to shame and a distorted view of our own desire. In an effort to stop living at war with our desire, and to redeem it, we need to understand our own sexual abuse stories. This week, we’re joined by Jay Stringer, a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and author of the award-winning book “Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing.” @jay_stringer_’s passion is to equip the church with resources to change the conversation on sexual brokenness. He shares with us some stories that can help us examine our own stories as we move towards redemption.

We were honored to sit down for a conversation with Ian Morgan Cron, best-selling author and renowned Enneagram authority.  In this conversation hosted by Dan and Rachael, @ianmorgancron shares how to use the Enneagram to push past old, stale stories and unlock inner power for both spiritual and personal growth.  In this episode, you’ll gain new insight about how to rewrite broken narratives and step into becoming your authentic self.

Are you ever officially “done” parenting your child when they become an adult? Listen to this insightful and playful conversation between this week’s guest, Amanda Christian, and her dad - Dr. Dan Allender.

As an adult child, you have a very different relationship with your parents than you did in your youth. If we are given the privilege of having a relationship with our parents as they age, how does that relationship evolve in order for us to engage with them and care for them?  Listen as Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen speak from their generational perspectives about the relationship between adult children and their parents throughout the aging process.

We have all experienced some degree of trauma in our lives. If you’re married or partnered, you need to have a trauma informed partnership to be mindful of how our trauma stories and narratives impact our relationship. In this episode, Dr. Dan Allender and Becky Allender are joined by Dr. Steve Call and Lisa Call to share their experiences in addressing personal trauma in the context of marriage.

Many of us live in these “false Edens,” a space of being blissfully unaware that there is pain, heartache, and trauma which we must confront. When we consciously choose to engage our own stories and deconstruct these “false Edens” in which we’re living, we can move more freely into our calling to find true redemption on the other side.Who better than to discuss this with us than this week’s podcast guest, Cary Umhau? Author, speaker, activist, and advocate for those facing homelessness and hunger, Cary knows what it is to step out of the constructs of her life into living what she calls a “spacious life.”  Listen as Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel, co-authors of “Redeeming Heartache,” speak with Cary Umhau, author of “Burning Down the Fireproof Hotel” and find parallels between their work and their stories.

This week, Cathy Loerzel is our impromptu host as she facilitates a conversation between Dan Allender and his friend of nearly five decades, Scotty Smith, a pastor, writer, and consultant. You’ll get to listen in on how we can engage our stories as we age and how we can share those stories with others over the years.   This conversation might make you feel like you’re sitting around a cozy table with close friends; we hope you enjoy it.

During stressful seasons, taking a moment to care for yourself can help your body respond to the stress and find grounding.  What does “grounding” mean? It’s engaging in practices that bring you back to your body and refocuses your thoughts when you may be experiencing the effects of stress, anxiety, or trauma. Join Jeanette White, the Executive Director of the Allender Center, and Rachel Sanchez, the Manager of the Resilient Leaders Project at @theseattleschool to learn ways to find that moment of care for yourself. We think you’re going to love this one.

Change is inevitable, and transitioning through change often holds together two realities: grief for things that have been lost and hope for what lies ahead. How do we navigate these transitions when it feels as if we’re wandering through the wilderness? Listen as Dan and Rachael talk with Jon DeWaal of Liminal Space about how we might approach walking through seasons of transition in our lives, one step at a time.

With so many things fighting for our attention, how do we intentionally create space of goodness for ourselves and others? Join us as we contemplate what it means to focus on the things that matter as we begin this new year.

How do we begin to process this past year and look forward to a new year when so many things feel beyond our control? In this special New Year’s Day edition, husband and wife duo Dan and Becky Allender discuss establishing rituals and rhythms that can keep us grounded and centered as we enter 2022.

This Christmas day we are taking a break from our regularly scheduled episodes, but wanted to leave you with a reading of Mary’s Song, The Magnificat, as a way to celebrate the radical nature of the incarnation and the Advent season.

This season of gift-giving may prompt a myriad of layered feelings: excitement, pressure, anticipation, dread, hope, and inadequacy. How do we give gifts that are truly meaningful and encourage a deeper connection with the recipient? Join Dan and Rachael as they discuss gifting in this special holiday episode.

As we enter the Advent season, Dan and Rachael reflect upon Mary’s Magnificat with theologian Dr. Chelle Stearns from the Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Join the conversation to consider what it means to let our hearts be open to our own places of ache yet also be open to the invitation to transform in response to this revolutionary idea of “God with us.”

As we continue to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of The Allender Center, we have two special guests from The Allender Center team joining Dan and Rachel this week: Linda Royster from the Training and Pastoral Team, and Sam Lee, the Director of Facilitator Development. Linda and Sam candidly share their experiences as BIPOC leaders on The Allender Center team pursuing the work of defining and healing trauma.

Join Dan and Rachael as they explore the intimate relationships we have in our lives now - our spouses, children, roommates and friends - and how we can embrace grief and gratitude to engage with those closest to us.

As we prepare to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday, Dan and Rachael continue their discussion on the intersection of grief and gratitude, focussing on how to engage those categories in our families of origin. In this episode, they dive into how to balance these two realities in our stories while we’re in a season of family gatherings and celebrations.

Dan and Rachael start a new series on grief and gratitude. In this episode, they outline the importance of being open to grieving in order to be open to true gratitude and the ways our bodies naturally respond in both grief and gratitude.

Dr. J. Derek McNeil, president of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology and Cathy Lorezel, Co-founder of The Allender Center join Dan and Rachael for a special anniversary episode. They share some beginning behind-the scenes stories of how The Allender Center was birthed and what drives us to stay in this work in the future.

This week, Dan and Rachael discuss how hiding keeps us from being authentic. Sometimes hiding can be an outright refusal to let others see, and other times, our hiding can be harder to notice. In the episode, Dan and Rachael talk about the ways we hide, how to let others know and see us more, and the freedom that comes with that kind of authenticity.  

This week, Dan and Rachel discuss sabotage and its connection to self contempt, which has capacity to ruin communities and lives.

This week, Dan and Rachael discuss scapegoating as a kind of rage that moves into the dehumanization of others. Stemming from contempt and judgement, the topic of scapegoating also brings up the experiences of projection and envy. As they ponder these categories, the ask the question: How do we become aware of our own propensity towards scapegoating and our use of it to escape what we don't want to have to see and own in our own hearts?

What keeps us from engaging well with one another?  For the next few weeks on the podcast, Dan and Rachael are going to be debating four categories that prevent us from connecting well, beginning with rage. In a time when people’s margins and capacity are thinner than ever, how do we differentiate between rage and anger and how we can attend to our bodies and wellbeing in the midst of someone’s rage?

When Cyndi Mesmer agreed to participate in the very first Training Certificate program in 2011 (now Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I), she anticipated a laid-back conference where she would gather a few insights and make small talk with other attendees.  Instead, what she and fellow facilitator Scott Gibson encountered would change the course of their lives, relationships, and therapeutic practices. So today on the podcast, as we continue to celebrate 10 years of The Allender Center, Dan and Rachael engage Cyndi and Scott in conversation about how they first came to be involved with The Allender Center and why they’ve remained, how engaging their own stories and the stories of others impact their practices and relationships, and so much more. 

Today on the podcast, Dan and Rachael finish a conversation on spiritual and sexual abuse by discussing the impact of these types of abuse and ways we can begin to find healing. They acknowledge that at times it can be difficult to distinguish between the two, determine which came first, or how they affect the other, which is to be expected—these abuses are complex and nuanced. As you listen to the episode, can you begin to wonder: How can you begin to heal, to enter your story and honor your body without causing more harm to yourself?

In this episode, Dan and Rachael begin to talk about the connections between sexual and spiritual abuse. Sexual abuse is also spiritual abuse, but not all spiritual abuse involves clear sexual abuse. They discuss the nuances, definitions, and processes of these two types of abuse and the intimate connection between our bodies as image-bearers of our Creator and the violation that occurs when someone commits abuse against another. We enter into this episode knowing the topics of spiritual and sexual abuse carry a certain kind of heaviness for many of our listeners. Particularly in this season, please tend kindly to your body and know that you can return to listen another time if this is not right for you today.

What goes into the creation of a book? In this special episode, we take a deep dive into the making of Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel’s new release, Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals True Calling. Special guest host Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President & Provost of The Seattle School, Dan, and Cathy discuss how the idea for the book came to be, the process and challenges of writing a book together, particularly in the midst of COVID, and the prophetic nature of the content. As they close the conversation, Derek poses a poignant question to Dan and Cathy—and to us all: What does it mean to celebrate our own stories?

No story is without its share of joy, anticipation, trials, and victories, and the same can be said about the founding of The Allender Center. This year we are celebrating 10 years as a center and place where people have found healing from trauma. It has been an immense honor to be able to hear and walk with you through your stories of harm into restoration. Today, Dan and Rachael share memories and tales with Becky Allender and Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director, both former guests of the podcast and founding members of The Allender Center. You’ll get to hear true behind-the-scenes stories of how The Allender Center came to be and what drives them to continue this work today.

For the final episode in our series on engaging stories, Dan and Rachael talk with therapist, podcast host, and Allender Center facilitator,  Adam Young. Many of you may be familiar with Adam from his podcast, “The Place We Find Ourselves,” and throughout this conversation you’ll begin to hear more about Adam’s story and how a life-altering encounter with his father set him on a path to become a mental health counselor. Follow along as Dan and Rachael engage his story by asking key questions, from how he experiences beauty to how he lives as someone attuned to and in the middle of the trauma around him. Listener Resources: Learn more about Adam and his podcast “The Place We Find Ourselves” Curious about pursuing your own story work? Learn more about and apply to Story Workshop—applications due September 20, 2021

Listener Resources: Learn more about Sue and her counseling practice - susan-cunningham.com Curious about pursuing your own story work? Learn more about and apply to Story Workshop—applications due August 31, 2021: https://theallendercenter.org/event/story-workshop-october-2021/

Today is the start of a series of episodes we’ve been eagerly waiting to share with you. We're going to be engaging the stories of some of our dear friends and colleagues in order to help you—our listeners— get a better sense for how to look at and read your own story. In this episode, Dan and Rachael talk with Gwen St. John, a therapist and long-time Allender Center facilitator, about how her experience growing up shaped who she is today as someone with high sensitivity, and how this led her to become a “reader of people and the world.” Listen closely to the ways Dan and Rachael engage her stories of harm with care and kindness, and how they invite her to stay in her body while recounting these stories. Listener Resources: Do you relate to high sensitivity? Take a quick survey, recommended by Gwen Learn more about Gwen and her counseling practice Curious about pursuing your own story work? Learn more about and apply to Story Workshop—applications due August 31, 2021

We all need space to play: a concentrated period of time that opens the door for the restoration that our hearts and bodies most desperately need. One of the ways Dan, Rachael, and good friend Dr. Steve Call find restoration is through fly fishing. Over the course of this podcast episode, you’ll hear both humorous and insightful anecdotes from all three about their various endeavors into fly fishing and, even if you yourself are not energized by fishing, you can’t help but be swept up by their delight. And as you listen, ask yourself: Why do we need something that so deeply captivates us? Listener Resources: Listen to the podcast series, “A Summer of Play” Read blog post “It’s Summer, Let’s Play!” by Robyn Whitaker Listen to podcast episode “Play, Anxiety and Resilience: How to Help Kids in a Pandemic” featuring special guest Dr. Pam Davis

In the final episode on hospitality, Dan and Becky step into the realms of ideas, experiences, and suffering. What does it look like to be hospitable to an idea, particularly a new idea, that is offered to us? How can we be more hospitable to suffering, and what does that look like? Throughout their conversation, Dan emphasizes the importance of being able to differ with an idea while also being able to welcome it and ask questions that are not defensive, but have a kind of hospitality that will allow us to be transformed by what we’re engaging. Listener Resources: Listen to the first two episodes of this series on Hospitality Read Romans 12:9-21 (MSG) Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality”

Continuing a conversation about hospitality, Dan invites his wife, Becky Allender, back to the podcast to recount a personal, life-changing experience that changed their perspective of hospitality. Sometimes it is assumed hospitality is setting a ‘perfect plate’ for guests, however, we need to remove ourselves from the idea that hospitality is simply entertainment. How are you engaging others at the grocery store, in your neighborhood, or at work? What does it mean to offer care and welcome from the heart? Throughout the episode you’ll hear more of Dan and Becky’s stories as well as how they are actively changing in order to become more hospitable in their day to day practices. Listener Resources: Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality”

Hospitality over this past year for many meant logging onto a Zoom call, however, as we step into a ‘new normal’ there is greater opportunity to not only embody hospitality but to expand our understanding of what it means to truly ‘welcome the stranger.’ Listen as Dan talks with friend and fellow professor, Dr. Tremper Longman III, this week on the podcast about Old Testament practices of hospitality, the inequality of hospitality, and much more. Listener Resources: Read a blog post by Dr. Dan Allender titled “Forgotten Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2021/07/forgotten-hospitality/ Listen to the first episode in podcast series “A Summer of Hospitality” - https://theallendercenter.org/2018/06/summer-hospitality-1/

Dan is back this week with Abby Wong Heffter to talk about trauma in light of their upcoming training, Effective Trauma Care, in just a few weeks. Today’s episode is invaluable for anyone navigating the lasting effects of trauma from this past year, but particularly so for parents. Abby shares her own experiences of parenting as a mom and step-mom in this season, ways to know if a child has been significantly affected by trauma, and how to tend to your own mental health.  Effective Trauma Care is coming up this July 22-23! Learn more about what Dan and Abby explore over this two-day event and register today.  Resources Read a blog post, “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis” Learn more about Effective Trauma Care Listen to a podcast episode, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic”

This week on the podcast, Dan begins the first of two conversations with special guest Abby Wong-Heffter, a teaching staff member at the Allender Center and coordinator of the Concentration in Trauma & Abuse at The Seattle School. Together they dive into the topic of trauma and the parts of Abby’s story that reveal how she found her way to becoming a trauma-informed therapist.

Picking up on the episode from last week, today you’ll hear the second half of a conversation on food and our bodies featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD. They discuss a range of topics from the connection between desire, shame, and food, to how we can heal our relationship with food and our bodies. And, as you listen, remember that no matter where you are at in your journey with food or in this season of heightened stress, it is never too late to “turn back to kindness.”   Listener Resources: Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Center Read an interview with Matt and Diane about Redeeming Food & Body

Food and how we feel about our bodies can be a place of great conflict, especially as  we emerge from the pandemic. It’s imperative we treat our bodies with kindness and be able to name the dangerous influence of diet culture. So today, we’re bringing this episode out from the archives! You’ll hear the first part of a conversation recorded in 2020 featuring guests Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD about how we can step into greater kindness around food and our bodies.

This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael continue their conversation about what flourishing looks like as we emerge into a different stage of the pandemic. Much is reopening, and yet we’re also waiting in anticipation for what is to come in the next few months. How can we continue to be faithful in the small without giving in to the urge to jump into major changes? What imagination can we grow for what we are anticipating in this next season of life, particularly as we begin to allow our hearts, bodies, and relationships to flourish?

As many communities are beginning to open back up and some semblance of “normal” returns, Dan and Rachael check in with each other and have an honest conversation about how they’re doing and what it means to be moving towards wellness. In some ways it feels like we’re engaging a new stage of a process versus a clear ending as the pandemic is very much ongoing in many parts of the world, and for some instead of gaining more energy we’re beginning to process the impact of this past year.  So, as Dan and Rachael discuss, how can we be honest with ourselves about expectations, what we’re feeling in our bodies, and how can we move into reopening with intentionality? Listener Resources: Read a blog post “Honoring Our Bodies in the Midst of Embodied Trauma” Listen to a podcast, “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic” Listen to a podcast episode with guest Dr. Steve Call, “Connection in Marriage During a Pandemic”

Today Dan and Rachael revisit one of the most listened-to topics on the podcast: spiritual abuse. However, before we dive into the conversation, we recognize that we cannot address the reality of spiritual abuse without taking into account that many, many people have encountered violations of various kinds within spiritual contexts. Over the course of their conversation today, the first of two on this topic, you’ll hear more about how to define spiritual abuse in Christian contexts, tools used by spiritually abusive leaders to maintain power and control, and the insidious nature of spiritual abuse. Listener Resources: Register to attend Confronting Spiritual Abuse on June 5 Listen to a podcast episode, “Narcissism and the Church with Chuck DeGroat” Listen to our very first, three-part podcast series on Spiritual Abuse Listen to a podcast episode about the particulars of “Mind Control and Dogmatism in Spiritual Abuse”

Over the past few weeks on the podcast we’ve talked about grief on a more personal level in our lives, but we also recognize we’re in the midst of an unrelenting season of trauma and grief on a collective scale. So today, Dan and Rachael invite guests Danielle Castillejo, Rebecca Wheeler Walston, and Rev. Michael S. Chen to the podcast to continue a conversation about the nature and impact of collective grief. As you’ll hear Dan say, you may not see how your story fits into this conversation, but “part of the development of wisdom is to enter a world we may not be familiar with” and we encourage you to be open to hearing the wise words these guests have to share. Listener Resources: Read a blog post by Danielle Castillejo “Emergency Mental Health Care: How Therapists of Color Contend with Racial Trauma”

Dan and Rachael continue a conversation about grief on the podcast, this week engaging Jeanette White, Interim Senior Director of The Allender Center. Jeanette, a dear friend and colleague of our hosts, graduated from The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology with an MA in Christian Studies in 2007 and has been an essential member of The Allender Center since its founding in 2011. As you listen to their conversation, you’ll hear them discuss in more depth Jeanette’s story and the two sides of grief—one that is messy and hard, and the other that opens your heart and eyes to the realities that we cannot engage without walking through the valley of the shadow of death. As we are in a season of collective loss, trauma, and grief, it is our hope that grief would move us to a deeper understanding of the suffering of others and ways we can come alongside and be a catalyst for care. Listener Resources Listen to the first episode in this series, “Encountering Grief: Mary Ellen Owen” Read a blog post by Jeanette titled “The Loudness of Grief” Listen to a podcast series about “Grief, Emotions, and Essential Oils” Listen to a podcast series about “The Grief of Miscarriage”

This week on the podcast, Dan and Rachael begin a new series that takes a deeper look into the topic of grief. In this particular episode they engage in conversation with special guest Mary Ellen Owen, who is a core member of The Allender Center team as well as a mental health therapist with over 20 years of experience. Rachael describes her as a woman with wild depth and someone well acquainted with grief, both in her own life and the lives of those she serves.  So, what are we talking about when we talk about grief? Over the course of their conversation, you’ll hear more about the necessity of and different kinds of grief, what boundaries we put up to avoid engaging grief, and how grief connects us to the work of Jesus and the tenderness of God. Listener Resources Read a blog post by Mandy Hughes about “Embracing Grief, Embracing Joy” Listen to a two-part podcast series about engaging Grief and Gratitude

In these days of what feels like endless ache and wave after wave of trauma and demand for resilience, we have the opportunity to develop a greater capacity to know who we are and who God is in the midst of this season. Today we’re re-sharing the second part of a series on qualities of a well-lived story, and we’re excited for you to revisit these conversations with our friends and partners in this work. You’ll hear from one of the most courageous people we know, Danielle Castillejo, who is a therapist, writer, activist, and podcast host, and Jimmy McGee, President and CEO of The Impact Movement, who is someone who exhibits Gospel curiosity in his life and ministry.

Every day we’re reminded what it means in this odd and heartbreaking season to live well the Gospel story and the story we have been uniquely called to live. That being said, we feel right now is timely to revisit a podcast series we did about qualities of a well-lived story. Stories so deeply influence how we respond to crisis, events, the people around us, and how we live in the world, particularly as we talk about the qualities of courage, commitment, care, and that deep need for kindness. Throughout this series we talk with our spouses, friends, and colleagues that we’ve looked to to say, “this is someone who’s living well in the midst of their story,” and it is our hope that you’ll be invited to engage these themes in your own life and story.

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.   We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel.  Listener Resources Learn more about The Impact Movement Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

Today we’re pausing to share an important conversation with you from our partner, The Impact Movement. They host a series of panel discussions called "Real Talks" which are live conversations about real-time topics at the intersection of faith and justice. A few weeks ago, they hosted a Real Talk called "Stop Asian Hate: Christian Responses to Anti-Asian Racism" featuring Rev. Dr. Soong-Chan Rah, Rev. Sabrina Chan, and our colleague Sam Lee and former colleague Jen Oyama Murphy.   We are honored that Impact Movement and the panelists have given us permission to share this conversation with you. You'll hear this important and timely discussion about the surge in anti-Asian racism and violence taking place across our country. We hope you take the time to listen to this conversation and let the words and experiences of the panelists bring you closer to the truth and impact of the gospel.  Listener Resources Learn more about The Impact Movement Follow the Impact Movement on Facebook and Instagram

After spending a few minutes remembering the joys of celebrating Easter last weekend, Dan and Rachael turn to the text to walk through the resurrection story. In today’s episode, you’ll hear them step back into what the resurrection brings, which is “deadly serious play” as we get to stand before evil and darkness and say, “Oh death, where is your sting?”  Listener Resources Read Luke 24 Listen to last week’s episode, “Disruption and Defiance in the Resurrection” Read a blog post published last spring that discusses themes of Holy Saturday titled “Noticing the Dead Things”

It feels as though we’ve been living in a year of Lent, Dan comments, let alone the past forty days as we near the end of Holy Week. So, on this Holy Saturday, Dan and Rachael begin a timely conversation about the reality, disruption, and defiance of the resurrection. The resurrection is not meant for only sometime in the future, but for the here and now. We need to remember that though death persists, it does not have the final say. This is why, as Rachael notes, we can hold onto hope and follow in the way of Jesus, doing the holy work of living in a way that stands at odds against the status quo structures of this world. Resources: Follow @aapi.liturgy on Instagram Listen to an episode on “Holding the Tension of Holy Saturday” Read an article by Abby Wong-Heffter titled “Racism and Sexual Harm: Seeds of White Supremacy and Anti-Asian Violence”

Dr. Pam Davis again joins Dan and Rachael to continue their conversation about how to help kids in this year of pandemic and the many other global and social events our kids are exposed to. This week, she talks about how we can differentiate between normal mental health struggles in children, when we may need to seek help, and how to tell the difference. Listen and learn what steps you can take to engage children’s mental health and be reminded that this is not a normal time—we need an abundance of kindness both towards ourselves and those around us as we navigate this challenging season.

Dr. Pam Davis, Associate Professor of Counseling at Gordon-Conwell Seminary and Director of the Counseling Department at Charlotte campus, joins Dan and Rachael to engage the immense difficulty of parenting in a pandemic and speak directly to those working with children. You’ll hear understanding affirmations and how Dr. Davis addresses the oftentimes overwhelming challenge of needing to care for yourself in order to care for your children, the importance of play, and other vital resources to utilize in this season. Resources: Learn more about Dr. Pam Davis and her work Listen to an episode from the early months of the pandemic titled “Parenting in the Midst of a Pandemic” Read an article by Dr. Pam Davis recently published in Psychology Today titled “Fostering Resilience in Children during a Pandemic” Read a blog post by Jay Stringer about “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

Following their conversation from last week about the impact of trauma on our body and our brain, Dan and Rachael turn their attention to ways we can begin to find healing in the midst of ‘trauma overload.’ This is not a prescriptive list of all the things you must do, but rather options available to you to start where and when you can. Ultimately, as Dan and Rachael come back to time and time again, it’s about being faithful in the small and the kindness of God that brings about the transformation and healing we’re most meant for. Resources: Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body

We’re coming up on a full year of living in the midst of not only a global pandemic, but multiple crises on a national, communal, and personal scale. So today, Dan and Rachael dive into a much-requested topic from our listeners: What is trauma, and what happens to our bodies in the midst of trauma? It’s important to name and honor what you’re experiencing as many of us, if we’re being honest, are not doing well, having hit our “pandemic wall” long ago. You’ll hear our hosts begin to provide language and a framework for how trauma impacts our brains, our physical bodies, and share examples of what this looks like from their own experiences. It is our hope that by providing these definitions and categories you will be able to name what is happening in your body, be more prepared to engage trauma, and be able to tend to yourself, your family, and your community in this season. Resources: Register for “Trauma and the Body,” an online event exploring the impact of trauma on relationships, self, and body Listen to the podcast episodes Dan refers to on “Not Doing Well” Listen to a podcast episode from the beginning of the year titled “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic”

Picking up their conversation from last week, Dan and Cathy turn their attention to uncovering the roots of conflict in relationships and how we can move towards true connection. Oftentimes conflict arises because we cannot name what we truly need, or we cannot see past our own contempt—ultimately there is something keeping us from seeing the other well. Redemption is possible, but we must be willing to engage our conflict in a way we’ve not experienced before. Resources: Listen to the first episode in this series, “Conflict in Relationships” Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples” Listen to a podcast that introduces the archetypes of orphan, widow, and stranger: “Calling and Character: Prophet, Priest, King” Listen to a podcast episode titled “Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call”

There is no doubt that we are living in a time that heightens levels of conflict and contention in our relationships. Having just finished a one-day conference on this topic, Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel talk today on the podcast about their recent, personal experiences with conflict, particularly in this pandemic era. In this season, the ways we engage in and relate to conflict look different. You’ll hear Dan and Cathy talk about the reality of this conflict, what we can learn from our styles of relating in conflict, and how, underneath it all, is a deep-seated war with desire. Resources: Purchase access to the recording of the one-day conference “From Conflict to Connection: A Conference for Couples” Listen to a podcast episode on “The Reality of Marriage in COVID-19” Read a blog post by Jay Stringer titled “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis”

“How is your Sabbath?” As he opens the conversation on this week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider this question of ourselves. You’ll hear him and Rachael discuss the particulars of their own Sabbath practices, the wildness and play they each experience, and how Sabbath is not bound to a certain day or strict code of conduct. A true Sabbath is meant to engage both beauty and heartbreak, to stretch us, to grow us, and to show us the places where we long for the Kingdom of God in the here and now. 

A “day of delight” is not an easy topic to engage in the midst of this season. Nevertheless, it is a vital practice that is needed more than ever before and, as Dan surmises, is less engaged than at any other time. Listen as Dan and Rachael engage the true meaning of Sabbath, how it is meant to be a taste of the coming Kingdom of God and what we are meant for, and common misconceptions that accompany this day of restoration.

This week on the podcast, Wendell Moss, a Teaching Staff member of The Allender Center, hosts special guest Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil for a conversation about her work in racial reconciliation. Dr. Salter McNeil is internationally recognized for her work in reconciliation, is an Associate Professor of Reconciliation Studies at Seattle Pacific University, and is the Associate Pastor of Preaching and Reconciliation at Quest Church in Seattle. You’ll hear more about Dr. Salter McNeil’s background, the transformative changes she’s made in her work of racial reconciliation and her exhortations to both the White evangelical church and People of Color in the church.

As a follow up to last week’s conversation, Dr. Chuck DeGroat returns to the podcast to answer listener questions about narcissism with Dan and Rachael. How are we to engage a person who might be a parent, spouse, or spiritual leader who has narcissistic characteristics? How do we engage a narcissist with wisdom? And, on a larger scale, how do we recognize the symptoms of a narcissistic church culture? We are deeply grateful for our community, for your bravery in asking these vulnerable questions. We ask that, as you listen to this conversation, you pay attention to what it stirs in your body and give yourself the care and space you need to engage. Listener Resources: Follow Chuck DeGroat on Twitter Read Chuck’s book, When Narcissism Comes to Church Learn more about Chuck and the resources he offers Listen to the first podcast episode in a series on Spiritual Abuse

Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have a timely conversation with Chuck DeGroat, professor of Counseling and Christian Spirituality at Western Theological Seminary, licensed therapist, and spiritual director. He is the author of Leaving Egypt: Finding God in the Wilderness Places as well as When Narcissism Comes to Church, which serves as the primary topic of conversation throughout this episode. In this special episode, you’ll learn more about the characteristics of narcissism, how Chuck came to address narcissism in the context of the church (particularly in the realm of church planting), and the reckoning that is taking place in the church today to dismantle structures of narcissism.

This past year was unlike any other we’ve experienced. Our plans, goals, resolutions, and carefully crafted calendars for 2020 were all but thrown out the window as a result of the pandemic. It’s normal to look back at the year with grief  for all that was lost and not accomplished. The feeling of regret, however, can become so heavy that it pulls us down into a cycle of negative thinking, contempt, and judgement. How then are we to begin a new year with grace for ourselves in order to move forward into all that 2021 has to offer? Last year, Dan and Becky addressed the issue of regret, and how so often our regrets inhibit us from reflecting well on the past. To address regret, Dan says, we need to be able to acknowledge that it is a “cheap counterfeit” of what we are afraid of, which is allowing our hearts to open to what we most desire in relationship with others. Regret has the ability to open ourselves to dreams and desires, but we need to ask ourselves: Can we bless our desires, even in the midst of this sadness?

We may be at the start of a new year, but that does not mean we leave all of what transpired in 2020 behind—this season will continue to ask much of us. As you’ll hear Dan comment, it’s no surprise we now find ourselves at the “intersection between dread and incredible hope.” While not the typical tone that accompanies a New Year’s podcast episode, Dan and Rachael instead present us with an unusual invitation to slow down, to be gentle with ourselves, and allow ourselves to taste something of hope.

How do we remember a year well, particularly a year that many of us may not want to look back and reflect upon? What is there to gain in remembering 2020? In the final podcast episode of the year, Dan and Rachael have a conversation about the necessity of engaging and learning from this tumultuous year and share their answers to three, reflective questions: What haunts me? What comforts me? What thrills me?

In the final episode about what it means to enter the Advent season at such a time as this, Rachael Clinton Chen invites her husband, the Rev. Michael S. Chen, to engage this question together on the podcast. What follows is a tender, vulnerable conversation about what it means that God came to be present with us in an embodied, vulnerable way, how we can enter into a season of expectant waiting, and how “God with us” meets us in our shame.

Continuing a series of conversations about how we are to live into the tension of Advent in this season, Rachael talks with Cole Arthur Riley—writer, speaker, and founder of the project Black Liturgies, “a project seeking to integrate the truths of Black dignity, lament, rage, justice, and rest into written prayers.” Throughout their conversation you’ll hear about the role and function of liturgy, the radical trust of God in a woman’s body, and practical ways we can lean into embodied practices this Advent season—including a guided breath prayer towards the end of the episode.    We want to hear from you! Tell us about your experience listening to the podcast by filling out this quick, 10 minute survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/TACPOD

“How shall we live into this Advent season at such a time as this?”   Each year, the season of Advent invites us to lean into the story of God, to the tension and expectation that surrounds the birth of Jesus. This year, however, amidst a global pandemic and heightened racial tension, anticipation has become akin to a feeling of dread rather than a thing to look forward to with hope and excitement. How then, Rachael asks, are we to live into the season of Advent in this year? As she begins a series of conversations around this very question, today you’ll hear Rachael talk with Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President and Provost of The Seattle School, and Kate Davis, Director of Resilient Leaders Project, about this unique season of expectation and what it means for us to be truly embodied and co-regulated.   We want to hear from you! Tell us about your experience listening to the podcast by filling out this quick, 10 minute survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/TACPOD

Though we are just now emerging from the season of Thanksgiving, tomorrow marks the first Sunday in Advent. We hold much gratitude, grief, and tension as we approach this Christmas season not only because of the anticipated flurry of gift-purchasing and gift-giving, but the coming of Jesus and the “tense, complex, wild narrative” of the Christmas story itself. Listen as Dan and Rachael enter into these topics with grace and guidance as we move into this wholly unpredictable holiday season.

This season of Thanksgiving looks quite different than previous years, many of us not gathering  with families and loved ones around a table with one another. Acknowledging this heartache, Dan and Rachael have a weighty conversation about the necessity of engaging both grief and gratitude.

Picking up on the theme from last week, Dan and Rachael have a fiercely honest and grief-filled conversation about the influence of polarization, idolatry, and the prevalence of fear in both the United States and our own hearts. We must consider what it means for us as Christ-followers to live out the kingdom of God not only today but in each and every day that comes.

As a nation the United States is in the midst of great uncertainty, and Dan and Rachael took time to reflect together on what is a contentious and divisive election and the fear it generates for many. What does it mean, Dan asks, to live faithfully in the context of not being bound to one party or another, but to live out our calling as members of God’s kingdom in the midst of this uncertainty?

“I think we radically need to rethink how we imagine leadership.” -Cathy Loerzel, Executive Vice President   In their final conversation about archetypes within the kingdom of God, Dan, Cathy, and Rachael unpack what it means to be a widow or widower, and how one can become a thriving king or queen. What are the wounds that impact a king or queen, what does true leadership look like, and how does a king or queen bring order to God’s kingdom?

Continuing a conversation about what it means to live out the character of God in the context of the kingdom of God, Dan, Cathy, and Rachael engage the archetypes of stranger and prophet. You’ll hear more about what it means to be a stranger who, in the redemptive process, can begin to use their sense of alienation and isolation on behalf of the kingdom as a prophet. As Dan notes, in our world today we desperately need to listen to prophets who tell the truth, and open the door to imagination and redemptive hope.

“Stories are what change the human heart.” - Cathy Loerzel   This week, Dan, Rachael, and Cathy take a deep dive into and further reflect on the archetype of priest. What is required for a priest to grow in their ability to do what priests are meant to do? In this episode, you’ll hear our hosts and Cathy talk about the importance of archetypal thinking, how the archetype of an “orphan” relates to the calling of a priest archetype, and the process by which an orphan is transformed.

In this episode of the podcast, Dan and Rachael are joined by Cathy Loerzel, Executive Vice President of The Allender Center, to begin a conversation about a particular aspect of The Allender Theory: prophet, priest, and king/queen. During the conversation, they invite you into each of these three categories and to consider what it means to have been given a kingdom in which you are a priest, prophet, and king/queen. Listen to a podcast series with Cathy Loerzel about “The Complexities in Leadership” Listen to Dan and Rachael talk about “The Particulars of Spiritual Abuse” on the podcast

Since it has been a few weeks since Rachael and Dan hosted together on the podcast, they decided to sit down and check-in both with each other and the state of the world before launching into more of our regularly scheduled fall content. It’s been a hard season and a hard year. Feeling scattered, fragmented, numb, and isolated are normal. Yet, at the same time, we must also continue to ask ourselves the question: Who do we want to become, how do we want to live in this crazy period? Resources: Listen to a podcast series with Dan and Rachael about “Not Doing Well” Listen to a recent podcast series about “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic” Read a blog post by Rebekah Vickery entitled “Honoring Our Embodied Trauma in the Midst of a Pandemic”

“We all have something to offer and we all have something to learn from each other in all of our various stages of life and relationships.” -Beau Denton   As the month of conversations about marriage draws to a close, Dan and Becky invite Beau Denton and Ashley Wright on the podcast to talk about how single people and married people can relate better together. Beau was a former Content Creator for The Seattle School and played an integral role in synthesizing podcast episodes, and Ashley serves as the Director of Marketing and Communications for The Seattle School, overseeing the production and planning of The Allender Center podcast. In a couple-oriented world, single people can often feel excluded, or feel they do not have a lot to say about marriage as they are not in a marriage relationship. Beau and Ashley provide deep wisdom and perspective for how single people can, in truth and trust, engage married couples, and invite those who are married to do the same for single people.   Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020 Listen to a podcast episode in the Family of Origin series about triangulation.  Read an article by Abby Wong-Heffter entitled “Post Traumatic Single Disorder.”

Dan and Becky Allender invite Paul and Sara Steinke into a conversation about creating and living rituals in marriage, particularly in this era of COVID-19. Paul is the Vice President of Students and Alumni at The Seattle School and Sara is a private practitioner, yoga instructor, and poet. Throughout the episode, they talk about the presence of ritual in their relationships, the specific kinds of rituals they practice to enhance and grow their marriage, and the difference between creating a ritual and a habit.  Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020 Listen to a podcast series about the Marriage Quadrants, a system of sorting and classifying patterns and structures that are highly intricate and complex.

This week on the podcast, Dan and Becky Allender talk about triggers in marriage with their good friends Dr. Steve and Lisa Call. You may recognize Steve and Lisa from the new Marriage Online Course.What follows is both a humorous and deeply insightful conversation. Triggers can undermine a marriage relationship as a couple often does not have language or context to understand what provoked their partner, or how to engage one another after someone is triggered.  Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020 Listen to a podcast episode, “Reconnection in Marriage with Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call” Listen to a podcast episode about “Dissociation in Marriage”

“Can you be faithful with the small?”  -Dr. Dan Allender   As we enter a fall that is full of complexity, we’re going to be having conversations over the next few weeks on the topic of marriage. Before we dive in, however, we want to emphasize that this is a series for everyone—whether you are single, about to be married, just married, or have been married for a long time. Today, you’ll hear Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the elements of disruption they have been experiencing in their own lives and marriage, what spending more time together exposes in their relationship, and what they continue to learn about one another during this season of deep change and growth.    Resources: Purchase a bundle of our new marriage offerings, including our Marriage Conference, Marriage Online Course, and Date Nights for 15% off—only until October 10, 2020 Listen to a podcast episode with Dr. Steve Call, “Connection in Marriage During a Pandemic” Listen to the “Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic” podcast series Read the blog post “Dance with Me” by Robyn Whitaker

Today we’re revisiting a conversation that Dr. Dan Allender had a few years ago with Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School, exploring her ongoing work of developing a theology of abuse. She believes that as a theologian, an artist, and a witness of other artists, she is called—and we are called—to hold together immense sorrow and stunning beauty. Ultimately, Chelle invites us to wrestle with how we address trauma in view of the embodied life of Christ, and how this might change the way we tend to the stories of harm in our own lives and communities.  Resources: Watch Dr. Chelle Stearns speak on ‘Lament and Hope Through a Trauma-Informed Theology’ at The Seattle School’s Seventh Annual Stanley Grenz Lecture Watch Rachael Clinton speak at the 2019 Theology & Trauma Conference  Read “Let the Lament Come” by Heather Stringer

This week, we’re re-sharing the second half of a series Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender recorded last year on the particulars of spiritual abuse. Throughout their conversation, you’ll hear them discuss the effects that spiritual abuse has on our bodies, including dissociation and shame. Because spiritually abusive leaders rarely stop with mind control, they work to create a system in which they can control every aspect—including the bodies—of the people under their authority. Rachael and Dan also explore the long, slow movement of healing in the wake of abuse and the work of tending to small areas of growth, trusting that God is contending for us in the big areas. No matter how long it takes, how can we begin reclaiming our minds and moving back into our bodies? What are the small steps we can take on the long road to healing? As we attune to that which is beautiful and true, and to that which honors the dignity in who we were created to be, we may begin living into the hope that trauma, death, and spiritual abuse do not have to have the last word. Resources Read an article “Enigmas, Myths, and the Shame of the Strong Silent Type” by Beau Denton Read “Leading out of Healing” by Wendell Moss Read “When Shame is Deeper than Salvation” by Andrew Bauman

Last year, Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender dove into a series on the dynamics of spiritual abuse and forms of trauma that can emerge in situations of spiritual abuse. This week, we’re sharing with you their conversation about some of the particulars of spiritual abuse including mind control, dogmatism, suspicion, and loyalty. One of the first categories you’ll hear them unpack is mind control, including the implications and consequences of abusive mind control which distorts desire for attunement in order to grow suspicion and mistrust.    All of these systems and categories, however, are ultimately about control—structuring power and authority in such a way that spiritually abusive leaders have total control over the minds and bodies of those in their communities. Ultimately, though, Dan and Rachael invite us back to that which spiritual abuse most fundamentally sabotages: hope. Resources: Listen to an episode of the podcast where Dan and Rachael address listener questions about spiritual abuse.  Read a blog post, “Dogma, Abuse, and Embodied Theology” Read a blog post, “Tuning in to the Unseen”

Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen welcome back former podcast guest Jimmy McGee, President and CEO of The Impact Movement, to have a conversation about the final two qualities of a well-lived story: curiosity and commitment. According to Dan, Jimmy is one of the most curious people (and voracious readers) that he knows. As they talk with one another about these two qualities of a well-lived story, you’ll hear how Jimmy came to be so deeply curious and his commitments to wholeness and formation and to passing on the gifts that he has been given.  Resources: Read Between the Dreaming and Coming True by Robert Benson Read Living Prayer and The Echo Within by Robert Benson Read Great Negroes, Past and Present by Russell L. Adams  Read How to Be a Christian Without Being Religious by Fritz Ridenour Learn more about pioneer civil rights organizer C.T. Vivian

As our hosts, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, continue to explore the qualities of a well-lived story, they invite friend of The Allender Center Danielle Castielljo to engage the topic of courage. Danielle is a writer, mother, and recent graduate of both The Seattle School’s MACP graduate program and The Allender Center’s Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I and II. Through their conversation, you’ll hear many stories from Danielle’s life, including her courageous journey to graduate school and the work she is called to do in the world.  Resources: Listen to new and past episodes of Danielle’s podcast, The Arise Podcast   Read A Shining Affliction    Learn more about Danielle and her work by visiting her website  Listen to a podcast series on Love and Courage in a Global Pandemic  Learn more about Danielle’s practice, Wayfinding Therapy

“Kindness is disruptive for our good.”  Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen begin to explore the qualities of a well-lived story, beginning with kindness, in a conversation with their spouses Becky Allender and Rev. Michael S. Chen. They talk about how both Becky and Michael embody kindness, and throughout the episode, you’ll hear how stories of both hope and heartache impact how they extend kindness to their spouses and those around them.    Resources: Learn more about and apply to Virtual Story Workshop Read a blog post about “The Courage of Kindness” Read a blog post about a Story Workshop participant’s experience

What draws you to a human being? This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen begin a new series on the podcast about what makes up the various qualities of and what it means to live a well-lived story. Our own stories are not enough to guide us into living well—we need other people, pictures of, and examples who reveal the very qualities that our stories are meant to reveal. In this episode, you’ll hear Dan and Rachael discuss the characteristics of a well-lived story worth emulating and how, over the coming weeks, they’ll be inviting special guests to share with us how some of these characteristics have come to be a part of their own life and story,  Resources: Watch a video about Wendell Moss on the Unique Honor of Story Work with Dr. Dan Allender Listen to a podcast series about a deep dive into one of our online courses, Story Sage Listen to a podcast episode, What If I Fear My Story?

Today on the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have a conversation with special guest Sarah Bessey, an author, writer, and self-described recovering know it all. She is the author of Jesus Feminist, Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith, and Miracles and Other Reasonable Things. Throughout the episode, you’ll hear more about her most recent book, her own story and engagement with trauma, and the ways in which she embodies faith, hope, and love while holding the tension of being human.  Resources: Read Sarah’s books: Jesus Feminist, Out of Sorts: Making Peace with an Evolving Faith, and Miracles and Other Reasonable Things Follow Sarah on Facebook and Instagram Sign up for Sarah’s newsletter, Field Notes

In this brief episode, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen take an intentional pause from our regular rhythms on the podcast. We hope that for each of our listeners this holiday weekend holds moments of not only rest, but also reflection on our collective story as a nation. Stay tuned as we pick back up next week for a conversation with a very special guest and dive deeper into what it means to have a well-lived story throughout the summer.  Resources: Explore our brand-new online course, To Be Told Learn more about Virtual Story Workshop Learn more about our Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen continue to address themes and topics related to listener questions. Today, Dan and Rachael take on the question: How do I engage the relational debris of trauma? Whether you are on a healing journey yourself or are supporting a spouse, family, or friends, our hosts talk about how you can engage both the beauty and brokenness of stories of harm when you are not sure either how to receive or be a good support. Throughout their conversation, you’ll also hear Rachael and Dan address the obstacles to and cost of healing from trauma and how to love well in the midst of trauma.  Resources: Read “Honoring Our Embodied Trauma in the Midst of a Pandemic” by Rebekah Vickery Read “Racial Trauma: The Marks We Bear” by Wendell Moss Watch a video from The Allender Center about Obstacles to Healing

A few months ago, we sent out a call for topics or questions our listeners would like to hear our hosts, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen, cover on the podcast. We were overwhelmed with gratitude at the number of responses received, and are privileged to be able to hold the vulnerable, honest questions that have been entrusted to us. Due to the volume of questions, we looked for patterns and themes in the questions. Today, Dan and Rachael take on a topic brought to us by many of our listeners: bad theology. Resources Read The Color of Compromise: The Truth About the American Church’s Complicity in Racism by Jemar Tisby

Rachael Cinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender are joined by Jimmy McGee, President and CEO of The Impact Movement, and Dr. J. Derek McNeil, President of The Seattle School, to talk about the partnership between The Impact Movement and The Allender Center. The mission of The Impact Movement is “to impact spiritual leaders who impact the world, to engage college students and marketplace professionals [...] and to serve and work in cooperation with and in support of the African American church.” Questions you’ll hear during this conversation include: How do we proceed in the process of dealing with racial trauma and injustice with people who will help us grow, and how do we do it well with the conversations that are difficult to enter? Resources: Learn more about The Impact Movement Read The Post-Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Dr. Joy DeGruy Join The Impact Movement and members of The Allender Center for a Facebook Live event on Monday, June 15

“It matters who gets to tell the story. If it's only left to one person, one group of people, it will be a biased telling—whether intentionally or unintentionally.” Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen have an honest conversation with Wendell Moss, a Teaching Staff member,  and Linda Royster, a Core Facilitator, about the current and generational impact of racial trauma, and the infectious nature of white supremacy within the United States, organizations and teams such as our own, and the Church. Some difficult truths are named in this episode, and we invite you, with open hearts, to be part of this journey of learning and repentance with us.    Resources: Read The Color of Compromise: The Truth about the American Church’s Complicity in Racism by Jemar Tisby  Read White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide by Carol Anderson Read Stand Your Ground: Black bodies and the Justice of God by Kelly Brown Douglas  Read Race: A Theological Account by J. Kameron Carter  Read works by the theologian and author James Cone Read works by the theologian and author Richard Twiss

Continuing to talk about the impact of the pandemic on relationships, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen invite Dr. Steve Call into a conversation about the impact of covid-19 on marriage. We do not approach this topic lightly—we know there is much heartache and brokenness in many homes. Marriage itself is full of complexity and possibility. We hope you hear encouragement, vulnerability, and playfulness as Steve invites us to hear how tension and conflict is created, how increased exposure can lead to shame, and the beauty couples can offer one another when they remind each other what is true.  Resources: Listen to a podcast series featuring Steve on Reconnection in Marriage Read Steve’s book, reconnect: insights and tools for cultivating meaningful connection in your marriage

“There are broken parts in every one of us that need a good parent.” Dr. Dan Allender  Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender have a conversation with Meredith Dancause—a pastor, writer, and parenting expert—about the complexity of being a parent during a pandemic. Not only parenting young children, but how to be a good parent to ourselves. With both humor and honesty, Meredith speaks to positive discipline and grace, the unique opportunity this season affords us, and the need to pause and be curious about our children’s behavior.  Resources: Learn more about Meredith by visiting her website.  Read a blog post “Good Enough Parenting in a Time of Crisis” by Jay Stringer

In this episode of the podcast, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen talk with Heather Stringer about her creative process of stepping into a moment in someone’s story in order to create a ritual. Heather invites us to pause, gather a few items, and participate in a special ritual to account for the past few days and to ask: How do I need to move toward myself during this time? Resources: Visit Heather Stringer’s website to learn more about her practice of ritual-making.

Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen invite Heather Stringer, a facilitator at The Allender Center, therapist, and ritual-maker, to begin a conversation about the importance of ritual and routine in a season of traumatic disruption. What does the loss of our previously held routines mean for each of us, and how can creating rituals become life-giving during this time? Resources: Read a blog post by Heather Stringer about tuning into our bodies.  Listen to an episode of Makers and Mystics: Ritual Making and Performance Art Watch a presentation Heather gave at The Seattle School titled “Breaking Frozen Seas: How Rituals of the Body Transform Clients and Communities”

In their final conversation, Dr. Dan Allender, Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD, and Matt Tiemeyer, LHMC, explore ways we can heal our relationship with food and our bodies. No matter where we are in our journey with food or disordered eating, it is never too late to “turn back to kindness.” Resources: Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Center Follow Covid19 Eating Support on Instagram for around the clock community care meal support Read more about Elly Satter’s division of responsibility in feeding.

“We are all too willing to turn over our awareness around our bodies to something outside of ourselves, whether its praise or shame of some kind.” Picking up their conversation from the first episode, Dr. Dan Allender, Diane Summers,RDN, CEDRD-S, CD, and Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, continue talking about the connection between desire, shame, and food. Not only are we at war with food, we are also at war with shame in regards to our relationship with our bodies and how we relate to the people around us.  Resources: Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Read more about NEDA’s The Marginalized Voices Project

“Why are we at war with food?” Dr. Dan Allender hosts two guests, Matt Tiemeyer, LMHC, and Diane Summers, RDN, CEDRD-S, CD , to begin a three-part conversation about the war many of us wage against food and our bodies. In this strange space we find ourselves, food and how we nourish our bodies can become a way of gaining control, particularly for those with stories of harm. Throughout their conversation, you’ll hear how Matt and Diane entered the world of eating disorder treatment, the impact of our trauma stories on our relationship with food, and the insidious influence of diet culture. Resources: Matt Tiemeyer practices at Blue Harbor Counseling Diane Summers practices at Hope Nutrition Therapy Read an interview with Matt, Diane, and their friend Kate about Redeeming Food & Body

Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender have a poignant conversation about making space for the tension and grief of Holy Saturday. In the protestant Christian tradition, the movement from Good Friday to Easter Sunday often bypasses Saturday—the day Jesus “spent time before the face of evil itself.”  How then do we engage the reality of Holy Saturday, to sit well in the space between the despair of Friday and the joy of Sunday? Resources: Read Psalm 22 Read Romans 8

We find ourselves in the midst of a collective trauma that both exposes, overwhelms, and compounds past traumas. In this new reality, as we come upon the end of the Lenten season, “how do we live as though the resurrection is more true than death?” Rachael Clinton Chen offers words of grounding and hope as she invites us into a different kind of preparation for Holy Week. Resources: Read Psalm 23 Listen to voices from the Asian American Christian Collaborative

Do I believe God is still good even in the midst of profound suffering I don’t understand?”   Our world continues to change in monumental ways. In this episode, Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender engage the implications and anxieties brought about by Covid-19, but also turn our attention to the goodness, power, and protection of God.  Resources: Read Psalm 91 Veritas Virtual Forum: Coronavirus and Quarantine

In their final conversation about authority, Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender return to complex waters to discuss mutual submission, what good authority looks like, and what it means for us to submit to those in authority.  Oftentimes words like submission are difficult to hear because they have been misused by those in positions of authority. So, how do we reclaim similar words and phrases, especially those found in scripture, that have been so often used to create chaos?  Resources: Listen to the first two episodes in this series on Authority Remembering the context of Dan and Rachael’s conversation, read Romans 13

What does it mean to be a Christian in a moment like this? How then, shall we live?  Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender continue to talk about the impact of Covid-19 and the rapid ways our world continues to change, even in the few days following our first episode. Throughout their conversation you’ll hear words of hope, encouragement, and some practical ways to help us connect with our bodies and engage the realities of trauma.  “Can we honor that we’re all in trauma, as a nation, as a family, as an individual, and can we begin to bring knowledge about trauma to our friendships and conversations?” Dr. Dan Allender Resources: Read Psalm 91 Read a blog post about Collective Trauma Listen to a conversation with Dr. Dan Allender about Trauma and the Body

In light of recent, world-altering events, Dan and Rachael sat down to check in with each other and have an honest conversation about the impact of COVID-19. A global pandemic cannot help but bring issues of trauma to the surface. Though we are not trying to resolve all that is unfolding in your own circumstances, we do want to be present and offer encouragement in the midst of these uncertain times.  Resources:  Love in the Time of Coronavirus by Andy Crouch Listen to a podcast episode on Scapegoating

Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender continue their conversation about authority, this week diving into who we’re meant to trust and submit to in a healthy, biblical way that leads to our flourishing.  To begin the episode, Dan reads from Romans 13, a passage often referenced in conjunction with the topic of authority. Both Rachael and Dan acknowledge they are in complex waters and that the words “submission” and “obedience” can be triggering for many listeners due to the misuse and violence done by those in positions of authority.  What authority, then, are we to submit to? The phrase Paul uses implies a “quality superior,” not all authority, Dan notes, but someone who bears a kind of qualitative goodness—a likeness to the goodness of God. Jesus authorizes others for the sake of addressing the brokenness in the world, extending a sense of empowerment, dignity, and call to life. People who are authorized by God typically do not have to tell others they have authority, Rachael says, as it is gained through respect, participation, service, and honor.  The series will conclude next week as Dan and Rachael will address the questions: What is submission, what does it mean to interact with those in authority?    Listener Resources: If you are interested in learning more about the topics mentioned in this podcast: Listen to our most recent series about Attachment and Relationships Listen to a podcast episode about Suspicion and Loyalty in Spiritual Abuse Listen to our podcast series featuring Cathy Loerzel on Complexities in Leadership

Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender dive into a three-part series that wrestles with complex questions about authority. In a culture that grows increasingly divisive, this is a topic not without its own divisions. Throughout this episode, you’ll hear Rachael and Dan raise poignant questions and grapple with the implications of trust and mistrust of authority.  The conversation opens by acknowledging we are living in a hyper-polarized world where there are deep levels of trust and mistrust in many realms. We need to be able to recognize the difference between suspicion and discernment and to know when suspicion is appropriate and when it is damaging and dismantling.  How then do we find balance as we ask questions of authority so that we do not surrender blindly and accept the status quo when there is a need for change, but do not become so hardened that we only mistrust and question those in authority?   Listener resources: If you are interested in learning more about the topics mentioned in this podcast: Listen to our podcast episodes on Spiritual Abuse

In this episode, Rachael and Dan continue a series about attachment; how our earliest relationships impact who we come to be. Throughout their conversation, you’ll hear attributes of secure attachment, how our brains are wired for attachment, and the three categories of insecure attachment and how they affect our styles of relating.

In this episode, Rachael and Dan continue a series about attachment; how our earliest relationships impact who we come to be. Throughout their conversation you’ll hear attributes of secure attachment, how our brains are wired for attachment, and the three categories of insecure attachment and how they affect our styles of relating.

Rachael Clinton Chen and Dr. Dan Allender begin a series about attachment and our individual styles of relating and how they can be, as Dan describes, a “kind of gravity” that shapes how we affect other people. We are not static beings, yet who we are and how we relate to others is deeply impacted by the beauty and brokenness of our upbringings.

Revisiting an insightful conversation between Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Steve Call, a therapist and Affiliate Faculty member at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, about how unaddressed hurt and shame can harm meaningful connections in marriage and practical tools to help rebuild connection where it has been lost.

Rachael Clinton Chen leads an open and honest conversation with Cathy Loerzel and Christy Bauman about what they wish other women knew about women’s sexuality.

Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen are joined by guests Cathy Loerzel and Christy Bauman to have a vulnerable discussion about what women wish men knew about women’s sexuality.

Podcast co-hosts Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton Chen continue a conversation about transitions, in particular what it means to transition well. Both offer valuable insights and wisdom regarding successful transitions and highlight the importance of find

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton share an exciting announcement about the future of The Allender Center podcast and talk about how transitions, whether chosen or unchosen, create both danger and deep opportunity.

Continuing a conversation about entering a new year, Dan and Becky Allender talk openly about their experiences with anxiety and worry and the tendency many of us have to let worry overtake our anticipation of the future.

As we enter a new year, Dan and Becky Allender address the issue of regret, and how so often our regret inhibits us from reflecting on the past.

To close this series on the Incarnation, Dan invites listeners to consider how our own giving of gifts around Christmastime is reflected in the creativity and gift of the Incarnation.

During the season of Advent, Dan begins a series about the Incarnation, what it means for Jesus to be the Word made flesh.

During the season of Advent, Dan begins a series about the Incarnation, what it means for Jesus to be the Word made flesh.

Dan continues a conversation about gratitude and repentance, and unpacks common misunderstandings about repentance through the narrative of the prodigal son.

Dan continues a conversation about gratitude and repentance, and unpacks common misunderstandings about repentance through the narrative of the prodigal son.

Dan begins a series about the connection between gratitude and repentance. Thanksgiving is not often thought of as a holiday for repentance, however, gratitude and repentance are reflections of one another.

Dan and Cathy continue their conversation about the realities and complexities of being a leader. In this episode, questions about the particularities of being a woman in leadership are posed and thoughtfully addressed.

In this episode of the podcast, Dan is joined by Cathy Loerzel, Executive Vice President of The Allender Center, to talk about the realities and complexities of being a leader. Dan believes that people who are good leaders are also reluctant leaders, a th

In this episode of The Allender Center Podcast, Dan is joined by Jay Stringer, Sam Lee, and Wendell Moss to discuss misconceptions about sex, the impact of fear and shame, and how men’s sexuality is deeply connected to culture, race, and past traumas.

In this episode of The Allender Center Podcast, Dan is joined by Jay Stringer, Sam Lee, and Wendell Moss to discuss misconceptions about men’s sexuality, the impact of fear and shame, and how men’s sexuality is deeply connected to one’s culture, rac

Dan and Wendell Moss continue their conversation about what it means to become an “anti-racist” and discuss the impact of white supremacy in unexpected places, the impact of assimilation into white evangelicalism, and policies that contribute to the d

Dan and Wendell Moss, a member of The Allender Center Teaching Staff, begin a conversation about the implications of the phrase “I am not a racist” and what it means to instead become an “anti-racist.” We invite you to join us and ask: Are we will

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue their conversation on planning and remembering weddings and unpack the idea that weddings reflect both death and resurrection and, much like life, great joy and deep sorrow.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Director of Organizational Development at The Allender Center, have a conversation about planning and remembering weddings and what it means to hold both joy and heartache at these momentous events.

Dan and Becky Allender reflect on what it means to experience failure and address it in a way that allows our lives to grow, both relationally and individually.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender a series on facing our failures and discusses how unnamed failures can accumulate to become part of ourselves which opens the door to “the idolatry of perfectionism.” How then, Dan asks, will we engage failure in

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender launches a new series on a topic that cuts to the very quick of our being and identity: failure. No one can escape failure, and yet there is a need for a better way to address our failures. Using a personal story, Da

Dan and Becky Allender have a conversation about what it means to embrace aging by owning limitations, moving forward in kindness, and holding both the levity and gravity of aging together.

Dan and Dr. Keith Anderson continue their conversation about the reality of aging and what it means to embrace a slower, yet deeper pace that accompanies this new season of life.

Dan Allender and his good friend Dr. Keith Anderson explore the realities of aging, the importance of curiosity, and the practice of listening.

Dan Allender concludes our series on scapegoating by reflecting on the movement away from endless cycles of blame-shifting and reciprocal violence.

Dan Allender continues our series on scapegoating by reflecting on the experience of being chosen to bear the violence and chaos of an entire system.

Abby Wong-Heffter and Derek McNeil sit down for a conversation that leads them to discussing the realities of trauma and the hope to live a more integrated life.

Dan Allender launches a new series about the reality of scapegoating, reflecting on the dynamics that occur when unmet desire gives way to envy and an impulse toward harm.

Dan Allender concludes our series on play alongside Russ Teubner, developer of a unique, artistic event space called Backstage Stillwater. Russ and Dan reflect on how we can create spaces of play in the world around us.

Dan and Becky Allender reflect on what deep, meaningful play reveals about living as people who are captivated by the radiance of God.

Dan and Becky Allender wrestle with some of the obstacles and demands that often keep us from engaging in play, or that relegate it to an afterthought or addendum to the rest of our lives.

Dan and Becky Allender kick off a new series all about the beauty and necessity of play by exploring the categories of risk, exploration, and restoration.

Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on Psalm 131 by reflecting on a hope that is grounded in our deepest desires, that does not fear suffering, and that anticipates the fullness of redemption that God intends for each of us.

Dan and Becky Allender reflect on how Psalm 131 invites us to calm and quiet our bodies, minds, and hearts, so that we can navigate the loss and chaos around us in a new way.

Dan Allender continues unpacking Psalm 131 by looking at some of the messages of entitlement, demand, and pressure that often drive us to strive for a false Eden rather than resting in the work God is calling us to.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton conclude our series about spiritual abuse by reflecting on the long, slow movement out of abusive contexts, and the work of tending to small areas of growth while trusting that God is contending for us in the big areas.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton discuss how spiritual abuse shames and manipulates our bodies, often forcing us to dissociate and split off the parts of us that are wise and kind and curious.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue looking at how spiritual abuse hijacks our minds by fostering suspicion toward God, each other, and even our own hearts.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton launch a new series returning to the category of spiritual abuse, exploring how these heartbreaking dynamics hijack our bodies and minds, keeping us from the freedom, spaciousness, and beauty we were created for.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue discussing the dynamics of erotic entanglement by reflecting on the tendency for so many leaders to rely on the people they serve to meet their deepest desires.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton talk about recognizing erotic entanglement as leaders, and the very human desires that help fuel it.

Dan Allender and Abby Wong-Heffter continue discussing the costs and demands of leadership, unpacking the common tendency to idealize or scapegoat our leaders, rather than allowing them to be full, complex, imperfect human beings.

Dan Allender and Abby Wong-Heffter reflect on some of the dynamics and challenges of leadership, and the need to care for those—including ourselves—who live with the expectations and assumptions of others.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue discussing the experience of not doing well, exploring the movement toward doing well even in the midst of circumstances that are still unwell.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton continue discussing the familiar experience of not doing well, exploring the painful, terrifying, but essential act of turning towards community and allowing the Spirit to care for us through the care of others.

Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton begin a conversation about the familiar experience of not doing well, and the messages that tell us we need to power through the pain, not let our guard down, and not let anyone truly see us when things are not well.

Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing triangulation in family of origin, and remind us that no matter how deep the harm, and no matter how costly the healing, our stories are not yet done being written.

In this third episode of our Family of Origin series, we turn to the crucial category of triangulation. Dan and Becky Allender look back on their own families and the history of their marriage to help us unpack how these dynamics continue playing out deca

Dan Allender continues our Family of Origin series by discussing the importance of engaging both large, historic patterns and the minute details of particular stories.

Dan Allender launches a new series about the need to engage family of origin issues, beginning with the ways that both genetics and attachment history are at play in our relationships today.

Dan Allender continues his conversation with Steve Call about fostering reconnection in marriage, which is not possible without deep empathy, honest engagement of trauma, and the fundamental art of play.

Dan is joined by Dr. Steve Call, whose new book shares key findings from Steve’s years of experience helping couples reconnect. Together Steve and Dan explore the hurt and shame that must be addressed if we hope to cultivate meaningful connection.

As we wrap up our conversation about how delight allows us to approach decisions with a greater sense of awe and gratitude, Dan Allender reminds us that true delight is about so much more than easy, temporary pleasure.

With some help from Marie Kondo’s famous work around clutter and tidiness, Dan invites us to consider how approaching even the smallest decisions with a sense of delight might help draw us deeper into beauty and goodness.

Dan Allender launches a new series about decision-making, and how the category of delight might help us discern which path to take.

Dan Allender continues his conversation with Steve Call about fostering reconnection in marriage, which is not possible without deep empathy, honest engagement of trauma, and the fundamental art of play.

Dan and Becky Allender reflect on the year ahead, wondering about the themes and desires they feel for the coming months.

Dan and Becky Allender invite us to look back on the past year, to remember the highlights and low points, the delights and challenges, and to wonder what themes Jesus has been growing in us this year.

Dan and Becky Allender conclude our holiday series by talking about something that will be all too familiar for most listeners: family conflict.

Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about the holidays by discussing the deep sense of disappointment that so often leads to conflict.

Dan and Becky Allender reflect on the benefits and drawbacks of nostalgia—which can help inform our desire for goodness in the present, or can set up unrealistic expectations that inevitably lead to disappointment.

Dan Allender continues talking with therapist and author Andrew Bauman, whose book Stumbling Toward Wholeness offers a new, vital perspective on the familiar story of the Prodigal Son.

Dan Allender talks with therapist and author Andrew Bauman about his new book, Stumbling Toward Wholeness, and about the movement through shame and self-righteousness to kindness.

Dan Allender continues his conversation with Stasi Eldredge about defiant joy, honest engagement with sorrow, and the unrelenting hope that brokenness is not the end of the story.

Dan Allender is joined by Stasi Eldredge to talk about her new book, Defiant Joy, and the intimate connection between joy and sorrow.

Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel continue their conversation about The Tale, a stunning new film that raises crucial questions about arousal, contempt, and the necessity of telling our stories of trauma and abuse.

Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel talk about The Tale, a fiercely important new film from HBO that is a vital addition to ongoing conversations about childhood sexual abuse.

Dan Allender, Rachael Clinton, and Beau Denton celebrate more than four years and 200 episodes of The Allender Center podcast. As they reflect on their favorite moments so far, they dream together about how the conversation might continue in the future.

Dan Allender and Jay Stringer conclude their conversation about sexual brokenness, the need for integrity and community in healing, and Jay’s new book Unwanted.

Dan continues his conversation with Jay Stringer about sexual brokenness and the need to engage the particular stories that inform how we view ourselves and how we relate to others.

Dan kicks off a three-part conversation with minister and therapist Jay Stringer, whose book, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing, was released earlier this month.

This week, Wendell Moss continues his conversation with Sam Eldredge, originally recorded for the podcast from And Sons Magazine in Colorado.

This week, we’re sharing a conversation from the folks at And Sons Magazine in Colorado. Teaching Staff member Wendell Moss talks with Sam Eldredge about the intersections of race, masculinity, and trauma.

This week, Dan talks with Dr. Craig Detweiler, President of The Seattle School, about the transfiguration narrative in Luke 9, and about how we respond to moments of divine beauty.

This week, Dan talks with Dr. Derek McNeil, Senior Vice President of Academics at The Seattle School, about Luke 22:24-34 and how our ongoing growth requires that we face both our capacity for betrayal and the ways we have been betrayed.

This week, Dan talks with Dr. Angela Parker, Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at The Seattle School, about 1 Corinthians 4:8-13 and what it means to foster meaningful, nuanced conversations in the midst of difference.

This week, Dan talks with Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School, about Philippians 2 and the idea that following the example of Christ means becoming more fully ourselves.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about parenting adult children, particularly when the relationship is so broken that it seems beyond repair.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender start a two-part conversation about parenting adult children. How can we engage complex dynamics with curiosity and a hope of change, rather than maintaining the status quo or reenacting past harm?

This week, Dan and Becky Allender conclude our series on loneliness by discussing how the journey away from the shame of disconnection begins with an act of confession.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about loneliness by looking at the particular ways it shows up in marriage and other intimate relationships.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender kick off a three-part series on loneliness. They begin by wrestling with some of the differences between sporadic, situational loneliness and chronic, existential loneliness.

This week, Dan continues his conversation with professor Nancy Kane about the work of spiritual formation. Nancy shares about the deep change she has seen in those who dare go beyond a Sunday morning faith.

This week, Dan talks with professor Nancy Kane about the work of spiritual formation. Nancy reminds us that following Christ is not just a matter of reading our Bible and going to church. It is a whole-bodied journey into the deepest needs and desires of the human heart.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue discussing the dynamics of hospitality by exploring what it means to be a good host as we welcome friends and relatives into our homes this summer.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender dive into the dynamics of hospitality and what it means to be a good guest or host. As we visit the homes of others, how can we enter their world with gratitude, humility, and delight?

This week, Dan shares his second recommendation for essential summer reading: Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson, a book that shines light into some of the darkest realities of our nation’s systems of racism and injustice.

This week, Dan kicks off our Summer Reading series with a recommendation for Survivor Cafe by Elizabeth Rosner, a vivid look at the impact of generational trauma and the ways we tell the stories we have no language for.

This week, Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School, continues talking with Dan about her work toward developing a theology of trauma and abuse. Chelle shares how learning from artists can help us enter those realms marked by an absence of language and meaning.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Chelle Stearns, a violinist, theologian, and Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School. Chelle shares about her work in developing a theology of abuse, and about her deep conviction that we find God most often in places of immense sorrow and stunning beauty.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Dr. Craig Detweiler, President of The Seattle School. Craig, a writer and filmmaker, engages Dan’s questions about a few favorite directors, and together they wonder about how stories of tragedy, comedy, and fantasy might all reflect something of the heart of the Gospel.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender talks with Dr. Craig Detweiler, President of The Seattle School, about how filmmaking and storytelling can help deepen our imagination for new ways of being in the world.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his long-time friend, Biblical scholar Dr. Tremper Longman III, conclude our series about the mystery of living with adaptive, creative wisdom in a fallen world—something far more complex than rote knowledge or easy answers.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his best friend, Biblical scholar Dr. Tremper Longman III, continue our series about the complex category of wisdom by discussing the need to remain open to change and to never stop learning. What does it mean to have both the integrity of deep convictions and the willingness to be proven wrong? As we’ll hear today, that’s one of the many conundrums of wisdom.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his long-time best friend, Biblical scholar Dr. Tremper Longman III, kick off a three-part series about the complex category of wisdom, starting with a loaded and crucial concept: the fear of the Lord.

This week, Rachael Clinton continues her conversation about Black Panther with Teaching Staff member Wendell Moss and Michael Thornhill of the Coalition for Christian Outreach. Rachael, Wendell, and Michael talk about Erik Killmonger, a complex and compelling character who has much to teach us about collective trauma and systemic harm.

This week, Rachael Clinton sits down with Teaching Staff member Wendell Moss and Michael Thornhill of the Coalition for Christian Outreach to launch a two-part conversation about the hit film Black Panther. Rachael, Wendell, and Michael discuss a few of the movie’s memorable characters and begin unpacking how the narrative reflects the complexity and humanity of trauma and healing.

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, respond to feedback about our recent series on spiritual abuse. From the volume of responses, it is clear that this category strikes a deep and personal chord for many listeners, and we did not want to let this moment pass without acknowledging the complexity of this crucial conversation.

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, conclude their conversation on spiritual abuse by talking about the long, painful journey toward healing. After being controlled and harmed by others in such profound ways, what does it look like to name our experience, allow ourselves to be cared for, and rediscover the goodness of God in our relationships?

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, continue their conversation on the dynamics and fallout of spiritual abuse. Rachael vulnerably shares more of her own story to help unpack the betrayal, loss of trust, and deep shame that come when corrupt leadership is seen as the voice of God in a community.

This week, Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions, to begin a three-part conversation on the dynamics and fallout of spiritual abuse. Dan and Rachael discuss the pervasive and insidious realities of systems that use power to control and divide, fragmenting the beauty of a community that bears God’s name.

This week, Dan Allender, Cathy Loerzel, and Rachael Clinton conclude their conversation about our upcoming online course, Story Sage. As they continue wrestling with what it means to engage stories with boldness and care, they begin to explore what might be the most volatile and dangerous terrain in this work: family of origin.

This week, Dan Allender, Cathy Loerzel, and Rachael Clinton continue their conversation about what it means to enter the stories of others with curiosity, attunement, and care. As we gear up for our new Story Sage online course, we’re inviting you to consider how you might develop the capacity to enter stories of harm and heartache for the sake of healing.

This week, Dan talks with Cathy Loerzel and Rachael Clinton about the art of facilitating deep, meaningful conversations that enter into stories of harm and heartache. In an age of disconnection and isolation, how can we enter the stories of others with courage, artistry, and care?

This week, Dan and Becky Allender continue their conversation about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. They reflect on the nature of calling and on the beautiful, wild invitation to step into new terrain while many others choose to coast through life.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender talk about Becky’s new book, Hidden in Plain Sight. Becky shares about her writing process and about finding the courage to step from a lifetime of hiding into a beautiful and compelling new story.

This week, Dan continues his conversation with the band Lowland Hum. Lauren and Daniel Goans share about their songwriting process, and they talk with Dan about the haunting and holy privilege of creating music that reflects something of the nature of God.

This week, Dan is joined by Lauren and Daniel Goans of the band Lowland Hum, whose music we’re pleased to feature as our new intro. Dan asks the duo about their journey as songwriters, and about creating art that invites people into a larger, more hospitable experience of the Gospel.

This week, Dan and Becky Allender look ahead and wonder about the desire, hope, and fear that comes with moving into a new year. Dan and Becky reflect on the themes and trajectories that will shape their year ahead, inviting you to join them in pondering the story your life will tell in 2018.

This week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky as they reflect back on the significant events of their year. Dan and Becky discuss how to move from the end of the year to anticipate the year ahead. They invite us to adopt the simple, intentional practice of taking time to look back on the year and taking note of events and themes. This sets us up to to live into what and where we are called in the next season.

This week, Dan continues with the third part of our Advent series as he explores the ways in which the Christmas story unfolds in the midst of shame and disruption. He explores passages about the Holy Family, the Shepherds, and King Herod, and discusses the interplay between God’s sovereignty and the schemes of evil. What parts of our heart need to be captured and disrupted by honor of the coming of God on earth?

This week, Dan continues the Advent series. He asks listeners to consider how or when this holiday season has made them dazed or confused. He explores the ways in which Mary, Zechariah, and Joseph were each dazed and confused, and how each responded differently. The question we are left with is this: How we are allowing our own lives to be impacted by the invasion of Christ coming to earth. Have we been brought to the point of needing to wrestle with the presence of God in our lives?

This week, Dan begins an Advent series. He outlines the many facets of the Christmas season, reviewing a study by the American Psychological Association about the conflict the season brings. He then discusses the places where we get held up by many distractions, believing our war is against culture and the way Christmas is celebrated. He invites us to instead recognize that Christ’s coming to earth was an invasion — the signaling of a war against darkness, in which we are invited to participate.

This week, Dan is joined by a longtime friend, Cary Umhau. Cary is the author of Burning Down the Fireproof Hotel, and her work has focused around connecting communities. In sharing her own story, she encourages listeners to remember the importance of seeing another and being seen by another. In this season of thanksgiving, Cary and Dan also discuss practical ways we can all give to those around us. They invite listeners to learn more about an initiative called Breadcoin. Happy Thanksgiving from The Allender Center. We are privileged to be a part of this work and are so grateful for our listeners, each and every one of you!

This week, Dan, along with friends and colleagues — Susan Kim, Abby Wong-Heffter, and Wendell Moss — conclude their conversation around race and trauma. Susan, Abby, and Wendell take time to discuss the obstacles and the cost they have faced in stepping into honest conversation around race. The four together name the ways in which The Allender Center is only beginning to step into this conversation and their desires for the future.

This week, Dan, Susan, Abby, and Wendell continue their conversation around race and trauma. The three guests provide details of their stories, revealing ways in which they have been dismissed or threatened by the majority around them. They go on to review the ways in which the often well-meaning believing community has hurt them through words and assumptions.

This week, Dan is joined by three friends: Wendell Moss, Susan Kim, and Abby Wong-Heffter. Together, they begin a conversation around race and trauma, inviting listeners to engage as learners. The episode includes an honest conversation about race in light of the Allender Center’s history. Finally, the four address a few of the common myths around racial trauma.

This week, Dan concludes his series on dealing with difficult people. He turns to the text of Romans 12 as he explores the ways in which forgiveness can be a means to love and reconciliation. He explains that to offer forgiveness is to offer the gift of strength and kindness that cannot be dismissed by the other.

This week, Dan continues his series on dealing with difficult people. He provides three questions to consider about the nature of these relationships. He then explains that your ability to know your yes from your no, your willingness to address confrontation, and your readiness for reconciliation are all central to working within and out of these relationships.

This week, Dan begins a series on the subject of dealing with difficult people. He first outlines the four major categories of difficult people in our lives. He then reviews contexts in which we will need to deal with such people and suggests that we should reach for a better goal than simply boiling over in confrontation or escaping a difficult person altogether.

This week, Dan is joined again by Cathy Loerzel and Rachael Clinton to further discuss our Healing the Wounded Heart online course. They particularly review the benefit of a closed Facebook group created for tribe members. The ultimate goal in creating the tribe option was to ensure that participants would not have to move through the course alone and would benefit from processing with others along the way. This added option has truly brought increased engagement with the material, and we hope very much that you can join us for our upcoming semester tribe!

This week, Dan is joined by Cathy Loerzel and Rachael Clinton. The three discuss the importance of community in the healing process and reflect upon ways in which community has benefited past “semester tribe” participants in our Healing the Wounded Heart online course. They take time to review three specific groups of people who would benefit from this kind of community experience and outline what participants gain as a result of hearing others’ stories and letting their own stories be known.

This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude their series on Story. Dan introduces Becky’s new book, and she reads an excerpt from it, recounting a painful story of loss. Through the conversation that follows, we learn how writing our stories and sharing them with a caring community can truly transform our lives. The episode concludes with an invitation to discover the power of writing and reading our own stories. If you feel a pull to know more about how your story, in all of its beauty and heartache, shapes and influences every dimension of your daily life and relationships, consider joining us for To Be Told. If you can’t join us in Menasha, Wisconsin, we are now offering a simulcast option in an effort to make To Be Told more accessible than ever before.

This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue a series on Story. They dialogue about how their own particular upbringings and life events formed distinct themes in their lives. The episode presents a challenge to us: Have we taken time to consider the themes of our own stories? And have we considered how these themes affect those around us?

This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, think back to the way in which one of their brief interactions led not only to confusion but to a deeper sense of irritation toward each other’s stories. As they recognized and named their everyday stories, those that too often get overlooked, they were able to move past avoidance and gain understanding and empathy. The episode ends with this encouragement and challenge: we all have a choice to make in each of our relationships—to approach another’s story with a sense of irritation or with genuine intrigue. What we choose will dictate the way in which our lives intersect with others.

This week, Dan focuses on the catastrophic nature of the flooding in Houston. How do people respond when a catastrophe like this invades their lives? How can we respond in a meaningful way to those who are experiencing catastrophe? Dan explores these questions and more as he begins a series of podcast episodes that focus on our response to difficult stories.   To our many friends in Houston, our hearts are with you.

This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on their summer experiences to glean wisdom as they prepare to move into the fall. During their conversation, they ponder some helpful questions. How should we approach transition? Why does God invite us to reinvent our plans? What have we gained from our last season that we can bring to the next?

This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes his four-part conversation with Lauren Bethell of the International Christian Alliance on Prostitution. As Dan and Lauren respond to audience questions, they reflect on the nature of calling, and they talk once again about the invitation to live as people who are open to beauty.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a four-part conversation with Lauren Bethell of the International Christian Alliance on Prostitution. As Dan and Lauren engage questions from the audience, Dan is invited to reflect on the theology of beauty, and on how our own stories of brokenness and harm become our greatest gift in sitting with the stories of others.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a four-part conversation with Lauren Bethell of the International Christian Alliance on Prostitution. Lauren shares how the fight against sex trafficking has grown exponentially in recent years, and she and Dan talk about what it means to step into your true calling, in a way that shapes the rest of your life.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender launches a four-part conversation with Lauren Bethell, Coordinator and Leadership Team Chair for the International Christian Alliance on Prostitution. Lauren shares how she came to the work of advocating for women in prostitution, and she and Dan reflect on the beauty that can be found in even our deepest scars.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes his three-part conversation with Laurie Proctor, who has completed the Training Certificate and the Externship program with The Allender Center. Dan and Laurie are joined by Emma, Laura’s 14-year-old daughter, who reflects on an experience of trauma and what it was like for her mom to respond to that experience with wisdom and care.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Laurie Proctor and her business partner, Jean Masukevich. Laurie and Jean have both completed The Allender Center’s Training Certificate, and they talk with Dan about how that experience was part of their ongoing journey of restoration—a journey that has equipped them to step into their calling and pursue their passions in deeper, more transformative ways.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Laurie Proctor, who has completed the Training Certificate and Externship Program with The Allender Center, and is the co-founder of SowThat—an organization that helps others find hope and freedom in the personal and professional lives. Dan and Laurie talk about her journey with The Allender Center, and about how it sparked a new vision for what it means to live into her calling.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation about essential oils with his long-time friend Jeanette White, Program Director at The Allender Center. Jeanette and Dan reflect on how the body responds to stress and trauma, and they share how essential oils can be a powerful tool both for the discrete, daily stresses, and for deep persistent patterns that are rooted in our memories of trauma.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his long-time friend Jeanette White, Program Director at The Allender Center, to talk about the surprising and profound ways that essential oils can help in our journeys of healing and recovery. Jeanette shares about her own history of discovering essential oils, and about the ways they have helped her during a year marked by deep grief.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, welcome summer by talking about a long road trip they are planning. As they share their hopes and expectations for the trip, they reflect on the thrill of planning, the joy of sharing new experiences, and the importance of remembering. In all of this, Dan shares his hope that a meaningful, memorable trip will always reveal a small taste of the coming Kingdom of God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Joel Murphy, a member of the Board of Trustees at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, about the mission of The Seattle School and the long, hard journey of turning a dream into a reality. The next chapter of that journey involves selecting a new President, so in this episode Dan and Joel invite you to help us spread the word. You can learn more at theseattleschool.edu/presidential-search.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Joel Murphy, a member of the Board of Trustees at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, to talk about the mission of The Seattle School and the long, hard journey of turning a dream into a reality. Dan and Joel reflect on the importance of transformative education, and they look toward The Seattle School’s next chapter as Joel shares about leading the search for a new President.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes our series about the Marriage Quadrants by reflecting on core categories that he sees in strong, vibrant marriages: the presence of desire, conflict that is named and engaged well, the growth of curiosity, and commit and care that grow ever deeper over time. Dan is inviting couples to live for so much more than a nice, pleasant marriage; this is about a kingdom of God marriage. For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in the fourth and final quadrant, which he describes as the most chaotic and volatile category—meaning marriages in Quadrant Four are easy to write off as hopeless. What does it look like to work with such a chaotic marriage in the hope of restoration? For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in Quadrant Three. Because of the deep levels of hurt, historic vows, and broken styles of relating that can be so entrenched, Dan admits that working with marriages in this category is perhaps the most difficult. As pastors, therapists, or friends, how can we begin to advocate for healing when there is so much loneliness and contempt? For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants by looking at the dynamics in Quadrant Two. This kind of marriage often revolves around pursuing success and keeping up appearances, but there is a world of loneliness and contempt beneath the surface. And that inner world needs to be addressed. For a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about the Marriage Quadrants, a theoretical framework of marriage that informs how he engages and works with couples. Dan talks about marriages in Quadrant One, which are often marked by comfort and safety but lack desire and authenticity. As pastors, therapists, and friends, what does it look like for us to engage this kind of couple—and their children—with courage and integrity? And for a visual aid as you listen to Dan discussing these categories, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender launches a new series exploring the theoretical framework of marriage that informs how he engages and works with couples. Dan sets the stage for this series by talking about these “Marriage Quadrants” as a system of sorting and classifying patterns and structures that are highly intricate and complex. While no sorting system is all-encompassing, Dan believes that these categories offer clarity and direction about what it looks like to engage marriages of all types. For an image laying out the quadrants Dan describes here, look for this episode on our blog at theallendercenter.org.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, continue their discussion about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent—a conversation sparked by their own experience of processing the death of Dan’s mother just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky discuss the love, care, and support they have received from others in times of grief, inviting us to consider how we might be present in the lifes of friends or loved ones who endure significant loss.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, talk about the painful journey of grieving the death of a parent. This conversation was sparked by their own experiences of grief after Dan’s mother passed away just a few weeks ago. Dan and Becky reflect on the intersections between grief and honor, the beauty of close, trusted others inviting us to remembrance and forgiveness, and the ways in which even this experience can point us toward the goodness of God in the land of the living.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, conclude our series about the realities of spiritual warfare by talking about what it actually looks like for us to engage in warfare. A holistic understanding of spiritual warfare is about more than prayer alone, inviting us join others in community as we care for our bodies, participate in rituals, grieve deeply, wrestle with our stories, and bring our entire, embodied selves into the ongoing work of the kingdom of God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, continue our series about the realities of spiritual warfare by talking about the crucial intersections between spiritual warfare and the story work that we facilitate at The Allender Center. Through deep, meaningful engagement of our stories of harm, we prepare our hearts to grapple with spiritual warfare in a way that brings kindness, compassion, and, ultimately, the freedom that can only come from God.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, continue our series about the realities of spiritual warfare. This is a big, complex topic, so in this episode we take a look at some of the triggers and resistance people might feel when they hear the term “spiritual warfare.” While there are valid issues and questions to consider, we believe this category is crucial to the work we do here at The Allender Center and the ongoing work of restoration.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development & Admissions, to launch a new series about the realities of spiritual warfare. This is a huge, complex topic, so Dan and Rachael start by laying out some of the core assumptions that guide them in this conversation. These assumptions include the belief that evil exists, that it seeks to harm us, and that we are not alone.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues wrestling with the category of ambivalence—particularly the ambivalence many of us feel about engaging the messy, hard work of pursuing healing and restoration for our stories of trauma and abuse. After launching our new Healing the Wounded Heart online course, we have heard many stories of ambivalence from individuals who want to pursue healing but are also aware of the cost of engaging their deepest wounds. Dan invites us to name that ambivalence, to bless it, and to ask for the help we need to begin moving toward our desires, one inch at a time.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender wrestles with the category of ambivalence: that feeling of being stuck that comes when we find ourselves moving in two different directions without actually moving at all. We see this ambivalence whenever we launch a new offering, like the Healing the Wounded Heart online course, as people wrestle with the reality that the movement toward restoration will lead them first through stories of heartache and harm. Dan invites us to consider how we might engage that ambivalence with courage, kindness, and integrity.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues his conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director at The Allender Center, about grief and loss in the wake of miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined again by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about how they have learned and grown in the years since these experiences. What we find is that, even decades and decades later, it is never too late to process our stories in the hope of healing. This is a vital and vulnerable conversation, and we are so grateful to Jeanette, Campbell, and Becky for joining Dan to share their experiences with all of us.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues the conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the devastating grief and loss that comes with miscarriages and infertility. Dan and Jeanette are joined by their partners, Becky Allender and Campbell White, to talk about the pain of shared heartache in marriage. This is a vital and vulnerable conversation, and we are so grateful to Jeanette, Campbell, and Becky for joining Dan to share their experiences with all of us.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center, about the realities of grief and loss, particularly in the context of the devastation of miscarriages and infertility. Jeanette vulnerably shares about her war with hope and desire in the midst of such tremendous pain.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Jeanette White, Program Director here at The Allender Center to talk about the realities of grief and loss, particularly in the context of the devastation of miscarriages and infertility. Jeanette shares bravely and vulnerably from her own experiences with miscarriage, and she and Dan launch a conversation that we plan to continue over the next few weeks.

This week, in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky reflect together on the last four decades of learning and growing as individuals and as a couple. Since part of honoring the Sabbath means marking the passage of time and celebrating significant milestones, Dan and Becky invite us to consider how we engage the past, present, and future with intentionality and care.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender  and his wife Becky talk about the nature of Sabbath and the challenges of developing rhythms of rest and play that point us toward the coming kingdom of God. What does it look like to intentionally set aside time to tend to goodness, glory, and delight in our lives?

This week, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to consider how to step into a new year with curiosity, intentionality, and faithfulness. Dan recorded this episode from a hospital waiting room on Christmas day: a difficult circumstance, but one that allows a unique perspective about what it means to ask what God has in store for us in the coming months.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender invites us to look back at 2016 and reflect on everything the year has held: both the highs and lows, the glory and the heartache. After offering a few categories to guide us in this reflection, Dan shares from his own process of looking at the themes of this past year, wondering how particular moments and experiences shape the person he is becoming.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender and his wife, Becky Allender, conclude our Advent series by reflecting on the act of celebration. How does anticipating the coming of Jesus equip us to celebrate the scandalous nature of Christmas with deep, life-changing joy? And from all of us at The Allender Center and The Seattle School, a very merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife Becky to continue our Advent series by reflecting on the theme of welcoming. Dan and Becky discuss the kind of playful, unexpected, profound acts of welcoming that the coming of Christ invites us into.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Chelle Stearns, Associate Professor of Theology at The Seattle School, to continue our series on Advent by discussing the theme of preparation. Looking at the life of John the Baptist, Dan and Chelle invite us to consider what it means to prepare for our Lord’s arrival.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Angela Parker, Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at The Seattle School, to welcome the Advent season and reflect on the theme of anticipation. Dan and Angela wrestle with what it means to anticipate the arrival of the Messiah who promises to invert our systems of power and restore everything that is broken.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to reflect on their experience of Thanksgiving and explore the nature of gratitude. Dan and Becky identify the comparison, entitlement, and envy that kill gratitude, inviting all of us to a posture of thankfulness that acknowledges our dependence on and love for each other.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes a conversation with his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart, shares about her journey toward hope and the beautiful experience of seeing restoration physically embodied in her life.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart, shares what she has learned about the physiological effects of trauma and the ways our bodies cope with fragmentation, dysregulation, and deterioration.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his friend and colleague Dr. Heather Mirous to launch a three-part conversation about how trauma and abuse affect our physical health and embodied reality. Heather, a psychologist and contributor to Healing the Wounded Heart, shares vulnerably from her own story of finally uncovering the connections between her ongoing physical suffering and her experiences of trauma.

As we gathered listener feedback about the first 100 episodes of the Allender Center Podcast, one of the questions that stood out was about how we respond to dissociation in our relationships. So this week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, to talk about how they have experienced the effects of dissociation in their marriage, ultimately choosing connection over isolation.

Last week marked our 100th episode, so this week we’re taking a moment to look back, reflect, and celebrate. Dr. Dan Allender talks about how this podcast has evolved, some of his favorite parts of working on it, and where he hopes to go in the next 100 episodes. From all of us at The Allender Center, thank you for listening and for joining us on this journey.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues our series about what a therapist looks for in a client. Dan reflects on the categories of openness, trust, and the willingness to remain in the work of therapy even when it is messy and difficult. Though we will never find the perfect therapist or the perfect client, Dan says there are few things sweeter or holier than two people willing to engage therapy with curiosity, humility, and integrity.

We recently concluded a series about what to consider when looking for a therapist. But there’s another side to that question: What do therapists look for in clients? This week, Dan shares a few categories that he considers when determining if he is the right fit for pursuing meaningful, effective therapeutic work with potential clients.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton, Assistant Director of Program Development and Admissions for The Allender Center, as we continue a series about one of the most common questions we receive: What should I look for when I am picking a therapist? Rachael shares from her own recent experience of stepping back into therapy, and she and Dan reflect on what to look for and how to take those first steps.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender wrestles with one of the most common questions we receive at The Allender Center: What should I look for when I am picking a therapist? Dan offers several categories for us to consider as we seek someone to join us in the deep places of heartache and hope in our stories.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender shares all about our first online course, Healing the Wounded Heart, coming later this fall, a series of nine dynamic sessions offering teaching by Dan, interviews with individuals engaging their stories of past harm, journaling prompts, and more. Dan talks about the heart behind this new offering, who it’s intended for, and how we hope it will serve as a companion on the journey to restoration.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender concludes a series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious lives of four characters in the Old Testament: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan dives into the story of Jonah, which confronts us with the idea that the same forgiveness we receive is extended even to those who cause harm. Are we bold enough to follow the radical mercy of God?

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious stories of four characters in the Old Testament: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan dives into the life of Joseph, a story an epic story full of political intrigue, family division, betrayal, envy, and, ultimately, the bold hope that our own stories might join God’s story of reconciliation and new life.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender returns to a series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious stories of four characters in the Old Testament: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan invites us to consider the story of Jeremiah, whose life leads us to wonder what it means to be a prophet, to wrestle with a world of extreme complexity, and ultimately, to recognize the cost of following God’s calling in our lives.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a conversation with his friend Rick Maguire, who recently left a successful career at Microsoft to pursue work helping others as a life coach. Rick and Dan talk about what is required to walk with someone through significant moments and decisions in life, and what it means to move deeper into our calling and grow into who we were created to be.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by his friend Rick Maguire, who recently left a successful career at Microsoft to pursue work helping others as a life coach. Rick and Dan talk about what happens when you find new clarity about your life that leaves you facing a potentially foolish risk. What does it look like to live a big, bold, beautiful life?

This week, Dr. Dan Allender continues a series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious stories of four characters in the Old Testament: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan invites us to consider the story of Jacob, a manipulative trickster who has much to teach us about the story of God and the nature of redemption.

This week, Dr. Dan Allender introduces a new series engaging the sweeping, chaotic, sometimes tragic and sometimes glorious stories of four characters in the Bible: Jacob, Joseph, Jeremiah, and Jonah. Dan invites us to let ourselves be swept up in the arc of a story, open to encountering what these characters reveal about our own stories and about the ongoing story of God.

This week, in the conclusion of the Spectrum of Trauma series, Dr. Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Angela Parker, Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology. Dan and Dr. Parker discuss a particular form of trauma that is often dismissed as insignificant: microaggressions that are born out of racism, bias, and prejudice toward others.

This week, Dan Allender launches a new series about the Spectrum of Trauma. Prompted by a recent article on our blog called “Post Traumatic Single Disorder,” Dan invites us to consider how subtle, seemingly minor experiences of harm might fit into our larger understanding of how we define trauma.

This week, Dan Allender and Rachael Clinton conclude the Binds of Leadership series by talking about the need for authenticity and humility in leadership. Authenticity has become a buzzword in our culture, but it is crucial to an understanding of leadership that allows us to be imperfect human beings committed to the process of growth. Rachael is a pastor, teacher, therapeutic practitioner, and member of the Allender Center Teaching Staff.

This week, Dan Allender continues a conversation with Rachael Clinton about the binds faced by many pastors and Christian leaders, who are expected to live without any complexities or flaws. Rachael is a pastor, teacher, therapeutic practitioner, and member of the Allender Center Teaching Staff. She and Dan discuss the ways in which we place our leaders on pedestals, only to feel a sense of relief when they fall off, a bind that leads us to consider the nature of hope, envy, the brokenness in our stories, and the coming fullness of the kingdom of God.

This week, Dan Allender is joined by Rachael Clinton for a conversation about the binds faced by many pastors and Christian leaders, who are expected to live without any complexities or flaws. Rachael is a pastor, teacher, therapeutic practitioner, and member of the Allender Center Teaching Staff. Together, she and Dan invite us to consider what it might look like to live as an honest, authentic, human-sized leader.

This week, Dan Allender  invites you to consider joining the work of transforming lives and communities by giving to The Allender Center and The Seattle School. Dan invites us to consider that receiving a meaningful gift with gratitude always leads to the invitation to give.

This week, Dan Allender concludes a conversation with Dr. Keith Anderson, President of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, about Keith’s new book, A Spirituality of Listening. Dan and Keith talk about how authentic spirituality will always invite the language of lament and the hope of finding God even in the midst of pain.

This week, Dan Allender continues a conversation with Dr. Keith Anderson, President of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, about Keith’s new book, A Spirituality of Listening. Dan and Keith talk about what it means to embody both pragmatism and mysticism, and about how both perspectives can teach us to listen more deeply for the voice of God.

This week, Dan Allender is joined by Dr. Keith Anderson, President of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, to talk about Keith’s new book, A Spirituality of Listening. Dan and Keith discuss what it means to listen for the voice of God in a world that is inundated with screens and soundbites.

You’re listening to The Allender Center Podcast with Dr. Dan Allender. This week Dan concludes a series about the nature of wisdom by discussing how we might wisely engage conflict and difficult binds in relationships. Dan invites us to consider that a life of wisdom is not marked by conflict avoidance, but rather by the willingness to engage difficult binds in a way that leads to deeper goodness for ourselves and others.

This week, Dan Allender continues a series about the nature of wisdom by looking at the binds we will inevitably encounter throughout our lives. Dan reads excerpts from The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis, inviting us to consider the idea of an inner ring and wonder how we might engage harmful separations between the in crowd and the out crowd.

This week, Dan Allender continues a series about the nature of wisdom by discussing the opposing category of foolishness. Dan invites us to pursue wisdom by being open to instruction, willing to learn from our mistakes, and devoted to kindness and care for others.

This week, Dan Allender launches a new series all about the pursuit of wisdom in a culture that is so often marked by foolish arguments and accusations. Dan looks at Biblical stories of King David and Jesus to introduce the concept of wisdom as an artistic, imaginative, and physical quality that equips us to foster beauty out of the binds of our world.

This week, Dan continues to reflect on the upcoming film A Story Worth Living, which will be released on May 19 for a special, one-night event across the country.  Dan wrestles with the traditional idea of “mission trips” and invites us to pursue adventures that lead to deeper encounters with the heart of God..

This week, Dan shares about the upcoming film A Story Worth Living, which will be released on May 19 for a special, one-night event across the country. The film documents a backcountry motorcycle adventure Dan participated in last summer, inviting us to pursue the kind of adventure that crafts a more meaningful story and reveals the character of God.

This week, Dan continues the conversation with his long-time friend, Dr. Tremper Longman. Dan and Tremper share about how their friendship and collaboration have expanded the work that they each do individually, inviting both of them to new opportunities and new encounters with the goodness of God. And they invite us to consider how our own friendships might lead us into deeper engagement with God’s ongoing work in the world.

This week, Dan is joined by his long-time friend, Dr. Tremper Longman, in a conversation about ping-pong, college, and the nature of friendship. Dan and Tremper invite us to consider how our friendships might draw us into deeper and more life-giving participation in the kingdom of God.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan continues the “Training Wounded Healers” series all about our signature Training Certificate, a year-long program that guides individuals through engagement with their own stories of harm and trauma for the sake of learning to offer healing and restoration in the stories of others. Here, Dan is joined by Cathy Loerzel, MA, co-founder and Executive Director of The Allender Center, and Rachael Clinton, MDiv, a pastor, certificate facilitator, and member of our Teaching Staff. Cathy and Rachael are also graduates of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology.

Last week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan launched a new series exploring our signature Training Certificate, a year-long program that guides individuals through engagement with their own stories of harm and trauma for the sake of learning to offer healing and restoration in the stories of others. This week, Dan is joined by his wife, Becky Allender, who shares about her own experience of going through the Training Certificate and the impact that it continues to have in her life.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan launches a new series exploring the heart and vision behind our unique Training Certificate, a year-long training that guides individuals through engagement with their own stories of harm and trauma for the sake of learning to offer healing and restoration in the stories of others.

This week, Dan Allender continues reflecting on his upcoming book, Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation. In Part One of this series, Dan shared about the stance he hopes readers will take when approaching the new book, which is a 25-year retrospective about everything he has learned working with sexually abused men and women. In Part Two, Dan addressed the intent of evil to create orphans, widows, and strangers through the harm we have endured. Now, Dan addresses the Healing the Wounded Heart workbook and his belief that deep, lasting change must occur in relationship with God and others.

This week, Dan Allender continues reflecting on his upcoming book, Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation. The new book is a 25-year retrospective about everything Dan has learned working with sexually abused men and women since publishing his first book, The Wounded Heart. In last week’s podcast, Dan talked about the openness and honor with which he hopes readers will approach Healing the Wounded Heart. This week, he reflects on evil’s intent to turn us into orphans, widows, and strangers through the harm that we have endured.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender launches a three-part series engaging the themes of his upcoming book, Healing the Wounded Heart: The Heartache of Sexual Abuse and the Hope of Transformation. The new book, scheduled for release at the beginning of next month, is a 25-year retrospective about what Dan has learned working with sexually abused men and women in the years since his first book, The Wounded Heart.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender continues to talk with his good friend, John Eldredge, about their upcoming Restoration of the Heart conference, March 4-5 in Colorado Springs. Be sure to check out the first part of this conversation if you missed it.

On this week’s podcast, Dan Allender sits down with his good friend, John Eldredge, to reflect on the themes behind the Restoration of the Heart conference, a joint venture from The Allender Center and Ransomed Heart. Restoration of the Heart, March 4-5 in Colorado Springs, will engage the questions and challenges that emerge when we dare to believe that true healing and restoration are possible for even our deepest wounds.

On last week’s podcast, Dan began responding to this question we received from a listener: “As I work deeper into my story, how can I honor my own heart, and my spouse, when he or she is not willing to engage his or her own story and suffering?” Many of us have experienced the heartache of having a friend, partner, or relative who is not just indifferent to our efforts to better engage our stories, but actively opposed.

On last week’s podcast, Dan Allender responded to a listener question about leaving and cleaving in dating relationships. This week’s question, one that will take two weeks to explore, will likely be familiar to many of us: “As I work deeper into my story, how can I honor my own heart, and my spouse, when he or she is not willing to engage his or her own story and suffering?” Before we can look at all of the implications that are packed in that one painful question, it is necessary to look at another question: “What does it mean to engage in story?”

Dan addresses a question that many people might be wrestling with after our recent marriage series: How do you negotiate leaving and cleaving in dating? And how do you transition from singleness to engagement while still honoring your parents?

On last week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender reflected on the end of the year, looking at what is required to be attentive and to bless what God is showing us through the past year. This week, we’re turning to the New Year. Dan discusses what it means to start a year with the same care and intentionality that goes into ending a year well.

On this week’s podcast, Dr. Dan Allender reflects on 2015 and the nature of ending a year. How do we mark the culmination of everything that the year held, both the good and the bad, when most of us are so exhausted by the time the holidays come around that we spend the last few days of the year in a kind of haze, already fretting about what’s to come in the new year?

Last week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender discussed their experiences of welcoming guests into their home. This week, as we continue our series about all of the complexity of the holidays, Dan is joined by his daughter-in-law Sassy to talk about the other side of that interaction: how to hold and offer goodness when you are a guest entering someone else’s home.  

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our series about engaging the holiday season in all of its beauty and complexity (you can listen to part one here). Dan and Becky reflect on their experiences of welcoming guests into their home, exploring what it looks like to receive others in hospitality and kindness, in a manner that is life-giving to the guests and the hosts.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender launch a new series reflecting on the holiday season—and all of the complexity it brings.

Last week on The Allender Center Podcast, we shared a conversation with Dan Allender and his daughter, Amanda, and son-in-law, Jeff, as they welcomed their newborn daughter. (Listen here: Grace Is in the World.) This week, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, reflect on the glory of a new life in the world and the experience of becoming grandparents again.

It seems appropriate that, on the heels of our six-part Marriage series, Dan and Becky flew to New York to welcome their new granddaughter into the world. This week on the podcast, Dan is joined by his daughter Amanda, his son-in-law Jeff, and their cooing, hiccuping baby, Grace Harper.

This episode marks the conclusion of our six-part Marriage series, a conversation between Dan and Becky Allender. In case you missed any of it, you can still catch up on past episodes, including Leaving (Part One, Part Two), Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and Part One of Weaving.

On this week’s podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our six-part Marriage series, which began with Leaving (Part One, Part Two), moved to Cleaving (Part One, Part Two), and ends with Weaving—what it means for a couple to weave together as one flesh. To put it another way, we’re talking about sex.

On this week’s podcast, the fourth part of our ongoing Marriage series, Dan and Becky Allender continue talking about the idea of a couple cleaving together, by looking at the contempt and bitterness that can take root and create so much division in a relationship.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan and Becky Allender continue our series on Marriage: Leaving, Cleaving, and Weaving. In Part One and Part Two of this series, Dan and Becky reflected on the difficulties they encountered in leaving their families of origin and growing in love and loyalty toward each other. Here, they discuss the idea of cleaving together, being bonded to each other in the sort of one-heartedness that marks a life-giving marriage.  

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, in part two of our Marriage series, Dan and his wife, Becky Allender, continue to talk about what it looks like to leave our families of origin and grow in love and loyalty for one another.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan’s wife, Becky Allender, joins him to launch a new series all about the beauty and brokenness that is part of a healthy, life-giving marriage. The themes at the heart of this conversation—leaving, cleaving, and weaving—are also a foundational part of the book Intimate Allies (which Dan co-wrote with Dr. Tremper Longman III) and The Allender Center’s Intimate Mystery Conference.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan sits down with his long-time friend, John Eldredge, to share the story behind the upcoming Restoration of the Heart Conference, a joint offering from The Allender Center and Ransomed Heart.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan concludes our Design of Desire series by looking at the relationship between the desires of our hearts and our ability to delight in God. That can be an uncomfortable connection to make, since many of us are all too aware that the things we desire sometimes seem to be very far from the heart of God.

So far in The Allender Center Podcast’s Design of Desire series, Dan has discussed the war against desire and the idea that God-given desire fosters creativity. On this week’s podcast, Dan continues the series by confronting the idea that not all of our desires are healthy. How does God deal with conflicted desires that are deeply legitimate at times and that, other times, swing into madness?

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan continues the Design of Desire series that opened last week with the idea that much of desire is opposed and that pursuing meaningful desire requires stepping into the war against desire. Here, Dan looks at Genesis 1 and 3 to discuss two categories—the so-called “cultural mandate”—that are at the heart of God’s intention for desire: fill and multiply, and subdue and rule. These categories refer to raising children and tending the earth, but also to so much more than that.

This week on The Allender Center Podcast, Dan launches a new series, Design of Desire, all about the desire rooted deep in our humanity—where it comes from, how it manifests in our lives, and the war that is constantly waged against it.

Dan has returned from his 10 day motorcycle trip through the backcountry of Colorado and through story from his adventure invites us to consider how play begins to open the door to seeing the larger realities of life.

Dan continues our series on play by reflecting on the anticipation and preparation that are required for ventures of deep, meaningful play.

  This week, after opening with an excerpt from Diane Ackerman’s Deep Play, Dan discusses what is at stake. What is it that rich, meaningful play requires of us?

Dan begins a two-week series discussing the nature of play and the importance of embracing play in our lives.

On this week’s podcast, Dan sits down for a conversation with his long-time friend, John Eldredge.

  Dan shares his post-reunion reflections, marveling about how returning to specific faces, names, and places of our lives can offer a taste of restoration.

Dan and John discuss how delight in and desire for beauty can shape the way that we engage trauma and brokenness.

John and Dan discuss the meaning and importance of beauty through the lens of the theology of Jonathan Edwards.

Dan wrestles with that ambivalence as he and his wife, Becky, prepare to return to Ohio for their 45th high school reunion.  

On this week’s podcast, Dan sits down for a conversation with Susan Cunningham, a therapist, poet, and facilitator with The Allender Center.

Dan engages four remaining questions that he often hears from people interested in working with their own stories, particularly through one of our Story Workshops.

  This week, Dan discusses the fear that so many of us hold about confronting the stories of our past.

  How do I trust my memory? What if the way I remember an event is not what really happened? It’s a legitimate question, even a kind and righteous question, says Dan, rooted in a desire to know and tell the truth.

On this week’s podcast, Dan begins a new series about the beauty and power of living, telling, and hearing meaningful stories.

This week, Dan continues his disussion on endings by examining something most of us are all too familiar with: endings that have gone terribly wrong.

Dan concludes this series on endings by inviting us beyond procrastination and sabotage in an effort to learn to end well. This is a process of acknowledging the sacrifices we have made and the work we have accomplished, as well as the grace and gifts that have allowed us to reach this point.

On this week’s podcast, Dan continues a series on endings by discussing the role of sabotage—the moment when celebration gives way to indulgence and we sabotage our ability to enjoy our endings, potentially undoing everything we have just accomplished.

Dan begins a new series about endings—how we handle them, avoid them, sabotage them, grieve them, and celebrate them.

On this week’s podcast, Dan discusses how we are all invited to carry the burdens of others, even if we don’t feel like we have anything to offer.

This week, Dan continues the series on trauma care in Galatians 6 by addressing how we can help carry those who are harmed by the sins of others.

On this week’s podcast, Dan begins a new series, based on Galatians 6, about trauma care and the effect that it has on you, the person engaging the trauma. For the next three weeks, Dan will address how to help restore those who are struggling with the effects of their own sin, how to help carry those affected by the sins of others, and how to own your own life in the process of helping other people.

  This week’s podcast marks the conclusion of a series on trauma care in the local church. In Part One, Dan discussed the crucial idea that we all—not just trained professionals—need to be aware of the reality and effects of trauma for people in our communities. In Part Two, he reflected on the particular types of trauma that form in the context of marriage. This week, Dan talks about the reality of vicarious traumatization that comes as we engage the crises, stresses, and heartaches of the people around us.

This week, Dan addresses the particular types of trauma that form in the context of marriage, including trauma that comes after death, divorce, and the betrayal of domestic violence.

  On this week’s podcast, Dan introduces a series on the role of trauma in the context of the local church. He offers three overall categories for trauma, arguing that it is far more widespread than many acknowledge, then discusses the body’s telltale responses to traumatic events. What would it look like for our churches to exist as communities of priests, prophets, kings, and queens who are aware of the pervasive, devastating nature of trauma and who offer hospitality, healing, and the possibility of redemption? “Hospitality is the core of what the community of God brings,” says Dan—“inviting people to goodness, to a feast, to sustenance, to solace, to healing.”

  Dan invites us to see and to name the beauty in our lives, the parts of our stories that reflect the light and goodness of God. Knowing and telling our stories means finding the beauty and inviting others to share it. And we cannot talk about this without talking about worship, which is our response—in awe and gratitude—to the beauty and goodness of God.

  On this week’s podcast, we are continuing our preview of the material explored in our To Be Told conferences. Dan discusses the necessity of looking at the wounds in our lives—the places in which we have experienced shame, loneliness, and betrayal. Evil entices us and hardens our hearts, naming us as orphans, strangers, and widows. But we are called to so much more.

For the next three weeks on the podcast, while Dan is on the road, we are excited to offer a preview of the material explored in our To Be Told conferences. In this week’s audio, Dan discusses the idea that God is the author of your life’s story, and we are all called to enter our stories in a way that reflects the character of God and reveals the nature of the Gospel.

Dr. Dan Allender talks about his hopes for his sabbatical and the imporatnace of Sabbath.

Dr. Dan Allender talks about his new book "God Loves Sex" in this honest conversation talking about sexual desires and holiness.

Dan addresses some of the quesitions about his new book, "God Loves Sex." The question answered here is how did the writing process and collaboration work on this book.